haix. im still as depressed lo. i dun feel lyk doing aniting. no mood in aniting. lost all my interest in everyting. exp fer sebas n jy =D . im searchong fer my goal in life. i dunnno y i can still live until now. wad was it dat tym dat stoped me frm suicide. wad was it holding me baq. wad was it dat caused me to attempt suicide. wad was it dat caused me to consume detergent, dish washing liquid, slit my wrist, torture myself. JUST wad was it dat made me attempt suicide. wad was it dat made me regret. y did i choose to live on. for who. n for wad. wad was my goal in life. not the goals dat appear on teh surface. to be rich. successful. to lead a happie life. WAD WAS MY GOAL? i reallie reallie feel veh shi bai. i dun even noe wad im living for. dere r juz so many tings i dun understand. esp I DUN UNDERSTAND MYSELF. i reallie reallie dun. i reallie dun understand y i behave liddat in skl. its lyk its not me. i dunnno hu she ish. WHO AM I. i dun understand myself. serious. i reallie feel v. zi bei lo. i really cannot comprehend aniting. dunno how to account fer my behaviour n actions. dunno y i did dat fer. reallie reallie dunno. juz b'coz i dun feel lyk it, i refuse to accept alot ALOT of tings. its not dat i regret. but i feel dat im behaving v. childishly. I M ESCAPING REALITY. aiye. i dunno y everyone in klazz LURVES to suan me. i noe i appear v. strong. n lyk can accept all those suanings n stuffs. i noe al of u all suan me cos u all tink i can take it. i MUST act as if i can take it. n dat explains my reaction wen i kena suan. wen ppl suan me. i act angry liddat den kip smilin n luffing. do u tink dats me. obviously deep down im sad rite. y muz u all suan me until liddat. n its lyk omost all of u lo. i noe everyone sure kena suan de. so i hab nth. to complaint about rite. argh. i dunno wads wif me. sum ppl sumore always pick on me cos tey say tey lyk my reaction. wad kuku shit. dey c the reaction le veh shuang veh happie rite. n wad abt me. how do i feel. i noe its nice sumtyms to b showered wif tis kinda kuku attention. but not too overbraoding. i understand wen sum tings r over. tey are. tey r not worth mentioning n being brought up again. I KNOW. its juz dat sumtyms. u carn help but bring dem baq. in my 14 yrs of life. i hab nvr felt liddat b4 . i noe wen i was pri 4, 5 , 6. i felt worse in one way or another. kena mocked at everyday. n perharps life now ish better. i gotta admit its much better n i chnged alot. at teh veh least i've gt more confidence. i dare stand up n tok in front of teh whole klazz. i scarem in klazz.....no restrictions at all. unlyk pri skl owaes kena mocked. n wich lead me to undergo a major chnge in sec skl. i started to care abt how i look. because dat was y i gt mocked in primary skl owaes kena luffed at. perharps now tings r better. i dunno. maybe its juz dat i dun wanna compare tem dat led me to feel dat life now ish worse. i reallie dunno. i ve gt more frens now n i noe dat. but it doesnt appear dat im more happie den laz tym. to tink abt it, i was much more happier b4. i noe dat I TINK TOO MUCH NOW. far too much. juz wish the day dat i'll reallie feel happy n gt contented wif my life will come soon. i dun wanna live life the way it is now. =(
