im scared. i really am. scared and worried at the same tym. i cried myself to sleep last nite. n i really hoped dat sumone who be dere for me, and help me wif my fear. cos i really realli am very scared.
last nite, at arnd 11+++, aft my mom came hme, she left again. b4 she did, i asked her where she was going and she just said, "i cannot go out arh" and i kept asking her the same ques but she replied the same. n i started guessing, " mom, post letter arh? buy food arh? blablabla" but she onli said no. n den she left. she didnt even said bye wen i said bye to her. im really worried for her. and wen i told her dat my dad gave a call to tell her dat he's not having food at hme, my mom said " good. dun tell me tings abt ur dad. i dun care." well, it has been for quite some time she said she's not caring my dad anymore. n i acty understand that my dad is under tremendous pressure due to the new shop n stuffs and dat he has been venting his frustrations on my mom. i even saw my mom break down once. and well, dat sortof explains why my mom is ignoring my dad. however, why is she pulling me into the picture. why carn she answer my question at all. im really afraid. they have nvr been like this b4. as a matter of fact, they seldom quarreled and even if they did, it wouldnt last beyond a day. i wonder what is going wrong.
i really really love both my mom and my dad alot. and i dun wan aniting to go wrong. really. as to why i cried last nite. oh. i realised dat my dad was actually very pitiful. he was alone at the roofterrace last nite. i remember myself watching
devil beside you, and wen my dad ask me sumting, i just replied like nobody's business and he said, " is this how u tok to ur dad" and i was just " daddy...." well was watching show mar. but ya laa, my fault. my dad is already so stressed out n im doing this to him. i really tink im very unfillial. as much as i wan to tell both my mom and my dad how much i love them, i cannot. i hav nvr said " i love you" to them for aa very long tym already. lets say, ever since i was pri4? i was nvr gd wif words. i nvr was. i was shy maybe. ok it sounds absurd, im shy in frnt of my parents? i dunno. when my dad or mom says " i love you", i carn carn carn say "i love you" ill just say " me too". my dad. he has really aged alot and i noe he has done alot for the family and he loves us alot. he loves my mom alot too and i noe tat. my mom. she loves my dad alot too. really. but im very afraid dat she cannot take it animore. i m afraid dat she cannot take his frustrations animore. she once told me, " dun blame me if i hav to leave one day". u noe how sad i was wen i heard dat. i cried myself to slp tat nite too. dere's onli a few tings in the world dat can make me cry to slp. 1. frustrations cos i cannot slp. 2. my dad tokin to me and i wld feel that he is very old already. 3. worries abt my mom n my dad's probs. i really really love them alot. i want to help but im helpless. u noe wwad acty ran thru my mind last nite b4 i slpt while i was crying. they were all negative. i noe they love each other. n i really hope they can pull thru tis obstacle together. i really wanna go to the beach and cry out now. perhaps, it'll be better wif a shoulder along. i'm sad. i hope my mom n my dad can acty exchange a few words today pls. pls bless my mom wif the courage to go on. pls help my dad, i dun wan him to be so stressful anymore. help them overcome tis obstacle pls.
im willing to give up my life as long as they are happy together. pls. pls help them. as long as they are happy, i'll be happy too(:
