~NiU nAi RoX~

2006-11-21T19:41:00.000+08:00

i just wanna say sth abt human nature.

the vicious cycle.

the chain.

lets take rumour for eg. when there's a rumour untrue going on, who is the one in wrong. the starter? well, no. its nobody's fault, frankly.

you see. rumours are actually misunderstandings. am i right.

plus, everyone gets involved in rumours in one way or another. its human nature.

when you do sth tt makes ppl suspect you, tts whn rumours arise but issit the person who witnessed it's fault? well, you can also say its ur fault for not clarifying right.

so who's fault is it?

no one's.

now you knw.

i understood it all along but those mouths belongd to others. just let them say whatever they want, as long as you have a clear conscience? yes? no?

2006-10-18T21:15:00.000+08:00

im like so touched aft watching the video of the guy giving free hugs.

its this. http://www.smh.com.au/news/music/freehug-man-speaks-out/2006/09/28/1159337257843.html

Today, the hugger was at it again, brandishing his "free hugs" sign in the busy pedestrian thoroughfare, and having quite a few people take him up on his offer.

"It's a way to make people smile," Mann said.

"For every person who gets a hug, you see five walk past with a smile on their face."

as i watched the video, ir eally got kinda touched cos its like, there are still ppl doing silly things for everyone else they dunno, just for the sake of a few more smiles. can we have one in sg too?

are you touched too?

2006-09-29T20:18:00.000+08:00

okay i knw its been very long and the only reason im posting here and not in my personal diary is becoz you knw of this blog. yes. well. the apology here may be a lil late, ok very late but it wasnt deliberate. well, just wanted to say sry once more but i knw it isnt really affecting you coz just like you to me, im but a passing breeze, a cooling one.

its so obvious you blked me. and i knw it. i can accept it tt you blked me and i dun blame you cos im the one in the wrong. but carn we just remain friends or norm. its like, i wun even disturb you or anything, is there a need for you to kip your distance frm me or even avoid me. i dont think so.

maybe you're just trying to forget the existence of this breeze here.

its been my fault from the start.

the beginning of the casual comment, " okay" was the beginning of the deep regret.

so think about it bah. dont easily say yes. dun easily say ok. esp if at the expense of other ppl's feelings or thoughts. dont agree if you are not certain. dun agree if you carn give your assurance and certainty. dont agree because its your only hope, your only chance, your getaway.

i remember i said before sth like : the best way to forget someone is to get onto someone else.

but well, tts the best way for you at the beginning. but definitely not the ultimate best way cos you'll lose sth. you'll lose a person. you'll regret. so well, i take back those words of mine.

the best way to forget someone. what is it.

the most definite nono answer is: time.

time definitely wont make you forget someone. someone who used to hold a strong position in your heart esp.

the best way to forget someone you love?

even if its someone you loved. you'll remember the person.

to stop loving the person?

i used to think that true love is forever nd tt true love existed. i wanted someone to show me whats tt. cos i nvr knew. why wasnt what i thought correct. why is it so. why is everything disappointing me. why is everything happening proving my ideology wrong. is it because everything lies on the surface? or issit we do not lk deep enough into things?

if you believe in forever love and you are confident of tt. you'll nvr stop loving the person. maybe love the person even more as time passes. for you, its absence makes the heart fonder, it will nvr be : out of sight, out of mind. you are ill-fated. if the person you truly love does not truly love you, you will stay all the way at the bottom of the well for a very long tym, forever. just because of you (dumb) forever love. but on the other hand, if you TINK and are VERY sure youll nvr stop loving the person, maybe time could be a factor in this case. as time passes, your love damn fades. why would it be so. issit tt you are not strong enough? or you are borned fickle minded like an ass ( sry if you are offended) well, there's no definite answers to the matters of the heart. just admit the whole truth when it comes to the hearty stuffs. dont pretend, dont hide. cos you will suffer. show it all out. you dun lose out. at least you will feel alot better. even if the person doesnt reciprocate, so what. you have your wildest fantasies and imagination to accompany you. you are blessed wif imagination. imagine. everything is in the mind.

but one thing for those really chi qing ppl (applies to mostly, girls. hey. im not sexist but thats what i see.)(not many chi qing ppl make up the population, you know): never pause your life because your love has stopped or sth. life has to go on. you can continue to love. but the clock hands still move no matter what happened to you love life. you have t continue moving too. dont stop living because of it. you can still wait if you want. but dont stop. dont stop loving. dont stop waiting. dont stop your life. because life is light, light is faith, faith is hope. life is hope. move on wif life and there will be hope, hope tt your loved one will love you.

ahh digressed a lot. thats all then.

but wait. i believe. i choose to believe in undying and forever love. the one example i want to see most would be my parents. please let me see them tgt forever. i will nvr want them to leave each other's side. she asked me who i would follow, i said, dont. if i carn have both, both wont have me either. if they ever choose to leave each other's side, i dun think i can take it, im not strong enough, i might take the path of no return, so dun. dun ever leave each other's side. or mention anything abt tt to me. cos just the mention of it, makes me tears. i teared on my way skl tdy. mommy, never leave daddy.

why is life so unpredictable. i want to be a happy kid wif a happy childhood. if you want me to be happy, dun ever do things tt will make me sad.

i knw you still love dad. dont give up the love. love can overcome anything so dont give up daddy. dont give up us.

cos i will nvr be able to choose between the two nd i can nvr be able to live without just one. i'd rather die.

i need someone now. i really do.

regret.

2006-09-09T19:44:00.000+08:00

the greatest regret of my life till date is to not tell anyone the truth about you.

okaye. im faking. hoho. x)

random.

do you believe in karma?

it exists. believe in it. =D

the trend.

2006-09-05T17:45:00.000+08:00

a post, finally.

taken frm my soulcast.com blog. here it goes.

THE TREND. =Dlets talk about the unusual trend in teens nowadays.in the past.maybe in your dad and mom's generation, how your dad woo-ed your mom was way different than how your boyfriend or suitor woo-ed you or maybe how you woo-ed a girl you were interested in. i bet you realised that too.in the past, the guy would most probably do some silly things like leaving notes on the girl's table, or maybe, writing love letters, doing all sort of things to attract the female's attention and when he gets it. he does things like buying roses, asking her out and then slowly asks her to be his girlfriend, face to face or maybe for the noober ones, over the phone. the "get the girl" process was a slow and sweet one. unlike the processes now. the trend now--- fast. quick. like yeah, get it done and over with. its like every guy is thinking " yeah. if you're not interested in me, why should i spend so much time just to ask you to be my steady"the new method which has now become a trend in younger teenagers ranging from 11 year olds to even up to 20++ year olds. this has become the official trend in our sunny island, singapore. its easy now. all you need to do is go online, find some girl next door or hot babe from friendster, add her online, chat with her for 10 mins or so, and get straight to the topic. maybe by starting frm, " i like you" and then 3 days ltr " can you be my girlfriend. i really like you" and if rejected, it doesnt matter, just move on to the next target. just what has the world come to. youngsters now treat love more and more like a game, and no one seems to really take it seriously anymore. could it be because of the easy going, lousy method of woo-ing girls, which is so easy now, that make people take the relationship for granted. afterall, it started off with the wrong motive and purpose. all judging by the looks.besides, for eg, now, you like a girl frm your class. all you do, is two clicks away frm the net. double click on the girl's user name and pop comes the conversation window. and then, you start talkin to her online and well, you never talked to her in real life before and then after some time you ask her to be your girlfriend. and even if she agreed, what will come out of the relationship without talkin in real life. how awkward will it be when you two go out tgt without talking. what kinda of relationship is that.this noticable trend is indeed turnin you world upside down. most probable due to the advanced technology.it made all of us, introvertedly extroverted.

2006-09-01T11:27:00.000+08:00

hi. im here to say im not blogging here anymore.

i'm gonna use the primitive method by writing down in a diary. =D

maybe when i fee like it, ill come back and blog abit. lol.

maybe if i trust you, i'll lend you my private diary. =D

2006-08-25T18:20:00.000+08:00

i found out what i needed.

not just one.

but three simple things.

2006-08-19T16:07:00.000+08:00

uploaded.
my first story after " a song composed for her"

i just did this story yesterday.
" the room in that sandcastle"

http://www.geocities.com/faustinatan/theroominthatsandcastle.ppt

2006-08-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

i wrote a new story. shall upload soon. heh.
=D

2006-08-17T22:29:00.000+08:00

heh. just felt like dedicating this post to benedict coz he's gonna help compose the song for my new lyrics. heh.
dunno why but i kinda find this set of lyrics rather impt to me.
its entitled: will love you forever. =DDDDD

thanks benedict(:

2006-08-17T19:16:00.000+08:00

i finally got back my com for a sec but i nid to go heymath ltr. anw. mom's bad. she didnt want to let me go camp at first but i persuaded her and she said " first night only" T_T she says she feels tt i dun like to slp at hme. like omg. why is she like tt. T_T den tdy i go hme she say she tinks i bian4 huai4. she says i reach hme late. well, i reached hme at like 5 plus and its not like i was outside playing, i was in skl laa. zzz.

i think im going mad already. tdy, for the very first time, i heard a voice in my head. it really seemed real. its this really creepy and deep voice. omg, im going mad.

oh ya, i wrote new lyrics and ive passed them to benedict. lol.

like a bee,
she stings in order to protect herself
prevent herself frm getting hurt
but she gets hurt in the end too.

benlaikeyigeizijiyigexingfudejihui
danshitafangqile
yingweitabuzaixiangxin
yeyijingmeiyouganjuele

no. it wasnt for you that she changed her winter to spring.
but it was you who changed her winter to spring.

but im not happy.
ive become so restless.
when was the last time i really felt happy,
i dont remember anymore,
its been long.
ive been losing my appetite lately.
i haven gotten any cravings lately.
ive been sleeping lately.

my mom doesnt trust me.
she hasnt been trusting me for a very long time,
even if i didnt do anything wrong.
shes my mother,
she doesnt trust me.
i lead a pathetic life.

now, i have to go home early everyday coz my mom wont be happy if i dont. she will start suspecting if i dont. i know she is concerned but how would you feel if your mom doesnt trust you and it is written on her face. and she tells u straight in your face she thinks you've been engagin in unhealthy activities outside, thinks tt you dont like sleeping at hme, thinks that your personality is the worst and most insulting of all. sometyms i really hate my mom. im 15 and i know what im doing. it feels like im living with all your rules. and i am. but you dont think so.

sometimes i really dont understand wht she's thinking.
sometimes i really wanna run away forever.

byebye

ill pay the person who steals my identity and live my life while i leave.
if youre smart enough, youll understand what im saying.

2006-08-15T09:17:00.000+08:00

heh. im blogging frm skl now. its like english right now laa. doing some stupid ws. lol. my com is like confiscated so i carn really blog until this saturday when my mom releases the com. heh. i bet you will miss me. ouchiees ( so not me). lol. okay. so lets talk abt this few days laa. lol.

ok i will mention one thing im damn happy about laa. its like this term my tests all like bullshit with 2 failed tests somemore. so yest, i was very happy coz my ss test gt 24/25. yay. like finally one proper paper i can tell my mom abt. so yest i told her laa. then i was like telling her, " hey mom you know ive got back my test and blah blah" then i accidentally blurted out the fact tt i did esp bad for two subs. and then she asked me how i fared for it and i was like " i failed laa" and she suggested me to go for tuition which i tot was an absolutely great idea. firstly, my life revolves arnd hme and skl mainly, so having outside tuition can definitely enlarge my social circle and make my life more meaningful. lol. secondly, can help my studies. rofl. ok enough of this bullshit.

anw. ive finally gotten my 3 hr nap yest. yay. and i think i am like becoming more of a pig liao. keep wanting to sleep and eat. heh.

nituihou,
qiquankeyima,
yinweiwobuxiangzoucuozheyibu,
shanghaini.

i shall go do the english worksheet liao. bye.

2006-08-13T14:44:00.000+08:00

this morning i woke up early to send granny to the airport coz she's going jakarta for a mth. yep. and then i went to ah gong's hse for lunch.
damn. mommy's gonna confiscate my laptop soon again. i think shes only gonna let me use on weekends like bro. zz. she says i spend too much time on the computer instead of my sleep. she says i lost alot of weight coz i not enough sleep and she says i look really bad like my face lian2 se4 hen2 cha1. so she says i nid more sleep. i think i need more meat too. i want to eat steak. heh. =DDDDDDD oh. n my dad'd ridiculous, cos i was wearing this pair of 3/4s jeans den he was like telling my mom " how come the jeans like want to drop one" ( in hokkien) he tot i purposely make one lor. zzzzzzzz. anw, i gained 1.5 kg. lol. nvm who cares, i still want to eat =p mwahahaha. hmmm tml gt math test. haha. must study hard. lol. anw, i realised tt my white n black huge frame glasses was a mistake. this pair of single coloured specs suit me better-------

although i lk kinda stupid but i lk more normal. heh. ok stupid post. shall blog when i have more to talk about. =D

2006-08-12T17:57:00.000+08:00

hmm. mommy let me out for 3 hrs tdy. supposed to meet kristy at bedok mrt at, say, 1210? and i left hme at 1210 coz i knew she would be late. so i smsed her when i was at the busstop. "where are you" she replied" busstop teehee" LOL. see expected laa. she was the one who said 1210. lol. anw. when i was on the bus. i saw our ~~dearest~~ and ~~favourite~~ teacher, aka, our most ~~respected~~ teacher, ms pat wong. she was the usual pat wif horizontal striped shirt ( i suspect she nvr learnt homec before, or else, she failed her homec coz horizontal stripes makes one fatter). HOWEVER, she was wif her RED FUNKY sunglasses. lmao laa. her look was hilarious, you shld have been there. oh did i mention she was sucha great teacher, that our grades dropped like hell. it has been proven already. first experience--- sec 2 geog beginning of yr----A2. aft she taught-----c5. horrible. second experience----sec3 ENGLISH. norm---b3. she teach------c6. im not the only one. all 2a and 3g ppl can testify.

ok back to the story. so i met kristy at bedok mrt and i missed her. i couldnt regconize her. she lked like her mom. meaning she lked more matured than usual laa. i really couldnt regconized her until i call her den i saw sumone raising the fone up. lol. ok so we went to bugis there to return my library bk. finally, i cleared my debt wif our national library. lol. and then, we went to bugis street there for a while coz kristy wanted to take a look at the bags and i bought the taiwanese chicken whatever tt one. lol. yeah. then we walked to suntec city. and on our way we saw this very cute lil caucasian boy den he was in the car lkin at us den kip smiling. wah. static laa. he kip fandg dian. very very adorable. lol. i fell in love wif him. lmao. k so reach suntec liao den i bought my favourite yami yogurt.. yum. heh. and then, we walked arnd to find a bus stop to go plaza sing coz kristy wanted to go plaza sing to buy a pencil tin frm spotlight but apparently she heard it frm her sis wrongly, it was supposed to be BORDERS. lol. k so we walked to millenia walk dere den i saw this shop called the candy empire. omg laa. alot of chocs and candies laa. all i also like laa. lol. damn nice laa. like ohmytian i dunno how to describe. lol. ok so we found the busstop at took 36 to plaza sing den go spotlight there which was like waste of tym cos wrong info mar den we went down to take some neos. this is it.

ok. i admit the neos were a total disaster. ok anw we took the train to orchard. aft alighting, i dropped by at scotts to buy yogurt again. YAY. lol. and then we went wheelock's place to go borders and she finally bought her pencil tin. den we headed hme. my eyes were like closing already laa. almost fell aslp. lollol.

ok i guess i shall end here. shall blog again ltr. =DDDDDDD

2006-08-11T20:08:00.000+08:00

some photos uploaded for the sake of uploading.

me(:
steph. qian. minjie.

my <3. oops. someone else's.

aww. my sweetest love.

for once, im taller than tt sign LOL.

can you feel the static, the current running through your body.

2006-08-11T16:29:00.000+08:00

your heart beating dammit fast doesnt mean love.
it doesnt mean a thing.

but what does it mean when your heart can't slow its pace of beating when you see just his back.

2006-08-10T18:47:00.000+08:00

tdy. me and darling jolene went to bugis. heh. bless me, for im a lesbian. lol.

first, i shall start off by saying tt jol made me wait for her for over 40 mins. zzz. everytym also i like idiot standing at the interchnge dere wait for her de. at the same spot sumore. yeah. so she was late as usual. den we headed for bugis. den gt these two malay girls. very small n cute den they lk up to us. wah. damn chio. so cute laa i almost melted. eyes so big sumore. k so we reach bugis le den go buy tickets for MY SUPER EX GIRLFRIEND. den we go pastamania and eat. i kept on sneezing like siao dere laa. more den 10 tyms i believe. wonder wich idiot is missing me. rofl. jkjk. heh. den walk arnd den go cold storage n buy snacks. im glad to say both me n jol have been influenced by the almighty pig, aka qian. lol. so yeah bought some stuffs and wen tto the cinema.

omg. MY SUPER EX GF IS FRIGGIN GOOD. damn funny and nice. shld go watch. but its kinda horny la the show. s*x here and dere. den damn hiong one. keep doing it laa. wth. den i remember the girl was like "ill pay for it." when she broke the bed. den the guy said " the bed or the penis. " ROFL laa. the show friigin horny. but the show is damn funny laa. very nice also. lol. den me n jol kip luffing coz they kip s*xing. wahahah. but the show's really gd n nice. mwahahaha. its damn gd. very funny laa. den he gt chnge gf ( as in the guy in the show) den tis one more hiong. lol. both the girls always ask the guy " ARE U READY" den the guy nod. den the girl lie on the bed wif the girl above him. den she just move backwards and den charge in front laa. omg. den super hiong the bed move. den the second gf did it right. den the bed just crashed through the wall to the neighbour's hse laa. ohmytian. damn funny laa. the show very nice. must watch. lol.

ok. so aft movie, me n dar ( lol. lesbian.) go library. den we go back tt tym saw this drop-dead, hot, gorgeous, caucasian. lol. nice hair nice lks. desperate dar, jolene still wanted to go back dere to see the guy laa. lol. tt guy has loads of charm. heh.

so me n jol chat alot. den super funny when we were on the certain topic. kinda stupid acty. i sounded so happy somemore. den we were on our way hme mar. den she was luffing her ass off when i admitted tt i was angry. rofl. acty not realli, i was describing stuffs. den she pointed at me U R ANGRY den luff her ass off. zz. heh.

ahh. skl tml again. sian.

i nearly forgotten who i am coz it doesnt seem to be.

2006-08-09T19:46:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

=D

2006-08-08T19:09:00.000+08:00

exercised alot tdy.
2.4. tennis. wrking out at the gym. blah

you make me feel like you can live without me.

i hate you.

why can he make me feel so protected. but not you.
why can he appear so concerned and worried. but not you.

2006-08-06T19:04:00.000+08:00

is it possible to know the person before you meet the person?

someone you never knew yet he can give you this ultra familiar feeling like he's someone you know.

someone sent to be there for you.

its possible.

2006-08-01T21:09:00.000+08:00

have you ever thought about it.like who are the ppl you confide in the most private stuffs when you are feeling down and who are the ones who will be there. concerned and worried about you. trying their best to provide every inch of warmth to you, to keep you away frm the cold. sometimes if you really think about it. you wld wonder. are the ppl u love most the ones whom you confide in everything, are the ones who will be there, are the ones who will be concerned n worried about u?who is the first person you think of when you are down and who is the one you really confide in.and in what kind of situation would the ppl u first tink of and confide in be different.yet. more question marks.hw to solve.who are the ppl you are most concerned of.do you feel down when you see ur fone vibrate yet the sms received is not frm tt person.or maybe, do you feel angry when you dun hear frm a person for quite some time.do you feel extremely happy when you hear the person's voice.do you grin frm ear to ear when you hear the person whisper sweet nothings to uor perhaps,when the person just lks into you eyes, you feel the world is yours.

how random. lol

2006-07-31T17:22:00.000+08:00

heh. acty was supposed to go for welfare outing at sentosa bt unfortunately mommy didnt let me. i tried persuading her but she just doesnt want me to go sentosa and she didnt tell me why. i woke up early this morn to fish for a chnce to ask her again and she refuses. and i asked her why. she says tt its because of the 7th mth and tts why she doesnt wan me to go to sentosa. zz

but she allowed me to go watch movie. so i went out wif jol to watch pirates. b4 tt we went to pastamania. den there's tis guy who wrks dere laa. he wears his pants like ultra low den wenever he bends we can see his boxers laa. awful sight. den his boxers design not nice somemore. den dull dull colour de. lol. and he is nt veh well mannered in a sense when he take the stuffs away frm the table he doesnt say excuse me. i mean its basic manners laa. furthermore the job he has requires him to provide gd service and he has to have gd manners too. lol. ok enough of this.

so we went to watch the movie. it was ncie though. johny depp's hot and orlando is shuai n cute laa. lol. then aft tt we went to ntuc and i bought loads of snacks. heh.

2006-07-30T20:12:00.000+08:00

heh. tdy i went out wif mom bro bro sis granny maid to swensens for lunch. heh. had ribeye steak there. ohmytian it was damn gd. so much better den their sirloin steak. damn nice laa. bt it was a rather small serving though, but nevertheless it was worth the price of 21.90. its damn nice i tell u. when you bite it in your mouth, you can feel the juice oozing out. the tenderness of the beef. oh my goodness, it melts in you mouth. added wif the heavenly sauce and some chilli sauce, its super nice. lol. k so maid bro and sis had crayfish pasta. mom had chicken baked rice. granny had tis huge bowl of salad. and lil bro had tis chicken kiddy meal or something. heh. mine was the best.

lil bro slacking around while waiting for his food. heh.

eh my steak aft eating the mashed potatoes honeydew carrots and the brocolli and well, after eating half the steak. its damn gd. heh. yummy luh.

k so aft we finished our meal, my mom went to shop. zz. it was boring laa. lol. and den all the nt impt stuffs. heh. skip skip. we went to buy UZUMAKI ICECREAM. yay. second tym in the wk i ate it. heh. i ate choc yest and green tea tdy. i ate like 1 n half of it coz bro couldnt finish and den my whole lip was green heh. yep skip skip to the car. yeah we were slacking in the car the whole while.

bro and i. heh.

cutie lil bro and i. heh.

heh ok i admit. i forced him to take the pic wif me. lol.

i love my baby bro to bits. lol

apparently tts all ill post cos the rest of the photos i took has only one person. shh. lol.
ok then, i shall end here.

heh. im so gonna go drop by swensens soon for their ribeye steak. heh. =D

2006-07-29T20:35:00.000+08:00

i got scammed by kristy more den 10 tyms tdy when we were attendin the college day at vjc. zz. i guess i must be gullible ba. or maybe i chose to believe cos i dun wanna risk. i dunno.

i walked home tdy. frm bedok interchange, i walked hme. blasting the music in my ears. walking against the wind.

tell me what i have done wrong.

why issit so hard to reveal a true smile.

why is everything turning against me

2006-07-27T18:43:00.000+08:00

heh. my laptop was confiscated the pass few days and thus i haven really been bloggin nor touchin the com at all. heh. no tym to touch com either. hmmm my left's eye has been experiencing some discomfort too. that explains why i wore my black n white specs tdy. heh. hmmm. i wanna talk abt my mom. something is wrong wif her. she smsed me this---- " next tym tell me what tym you com hme. im worried coz i love you" omg. first tym my mom smsed me that laa. im worried abt her. hope everything's well.
next, i wanna talk abt my inadequate slp. i feel so frustrated laa. as in because nt enuff slp or wadever. zz.
ehh next point. im bored. heh =D
sometimes i feel like doing alot alot of things but yet, i lack the courage and the initiative. sometimes i feel like saying something but yet, i hesitate. you get what i mean.
aiye. if only i had more time.
its like so near yet so far.
issit better this way?
i doubt so.

now i really love you

oh ya. i failed english. so wth lo. even xz failed can. i remember i said veh loudly in class " KNS SHE BLIND OR WAD" lol. not on purpose. i didnt noe it was tat loud laa. i feel so evil can. lol. hmmm i gt 22 initially. upon 50 luh. den she mark like sai4. i went up to argue wif her abt some answers and i gt 2 marks baq. however she nided to leave early. so tml if she comes im gonna try to save my summary n argue. heh. and wheets, my chi test right. i got 44/50. i veh happy lo. i didnt study. den at first its 43 de den i found out she calculate wrongly. yay. first tym i get tis kinda marks for chi lo. heh. =D anyone reward me? heh.

frankly speakin rite. i think im turning into a piggy cow. lol. i tink of food now and den. i want to eat loads of food laa. heh. =D

2006-07-24T20:31:00.000+08:00

i got back my physics test. i didnt study for it though. haha. i passed. 18/35. terrible i noe. i went to ong and said " mr ong can gimme a few marks anot ty" i got 1 mark. den i went wif yiheng to ong again cos apparently yiheng got some marks and i tot he mite help, so i went up again " mr ong can giv one more anot. pls leh." yiheng said"cher she lose to her fren leh" ong--- "ok laa one mark only arh" wheets ive got 2 marks more. and based on nth sumore. as in not frm the answers i wrote or anything. ive gt the two marks frm nth. whee.
anw, its been long since i took a nap. AND I GT MY NAP TDY. WHEE. 2 and a half pathetic hours but better den none. heh.
tml i have functions and sets test. i nvr had an a math textbk since the beginin of the year and well, they said they dun bring in tt bk anymore. so i survived without it for 7 mths + already. now i hav tis damn sets test, for the first tym, im touchin heymath cos i dun have a tb. hey HEYMATH gt use one. lol.

i wanna slp longer.

i fckin dun want to do things i dun like.
i fckin hate the feeling of being forced to do something.
i fckin hate being obliged to do something.
i fckin hate doing things i dun wanna do.
to the extent i will do anything to not do things i dun like,
unless i give in.
sometimes i wonder, why carn i be more hard-hearted. wont things be easier then.

heh. its the first tym i blogged wif 4 "fckin"s. i bet u are shocked cos u dun hear me saying tt wrd. lol.

sometimes i really wish to be irresponsible for once,
ignoring all the other factors stopping me and affecting my decision,
and just run away without trace.
someone just take me away pls.

sometimes i really really do feel like leaving.

2006-07-23T18:08:00.000+08:00

if one day,
you received a gift from someone.
a vending machine,
akin to those u use wen u were young,
where u put in a dollar coin and turn the handle,
and den a ball pops out.
what if, every ball consisted of a short phrase,
a simple expression to bring across a message to you
and a sticker pasted no the machine,
saying, " only one ball daily"
you obeyed,
only one ball a day.
every lil message brings a smile across your face
until one day,
you opened a ball,
you cried,
the ball says nothing,
but one ring which says it all,
what will you do.

lil thoughts of inspiration by faustina tan aka holycow(:

2006-07-23T17:54:00.000+08:00

im feeling dammit tired luh.
i want a long and big and fun break now. heh. there's alot of tings i wanna do these days but lack the tym luh. i wanna watch alot of movies too. i wanna go out and hav fun. i wanna have sufficient slp.
but somehow, the other me wants to fall sick. wants to have a break, from everything. everything. somehow, i yearn for that drink vending machine wif nice grape jiuce from singapore general hospital. somehow, i keep thinking abt those days somewhat 10 + yrs ago wen i laid in the hospital ward, i get pampered everyday. i get presents and gifts everyday. although i was sick, i lk forward to everyday of my life, to tml. somehow, now i dun.
haha. but well, im fine and great and i dun have tots of death or anything. haha.

i wonder why i haven gt food poisoning yet.

2006-07-22T19:03:00.000+08:00

pictures taken lately.

me and cat

me and yunxuan

me and jolyn

me n cat again. heh.

me n jolyn again. lol.

me and menghow

JUST FOR LAUGHS =D

top: liming anngi deborah
bottom: FAUSTINA. jolene. yuwei =D

again. =D

2006-07-21T19:23:00.000+08:00

crapped alot tdy. lol. gt alot of tings i wanna blog but too lil tym. but owells i will blog everyting down some other tym. anyway had interestin convo wif jol n ys. haha. well.

i hope everything goes well.

its just the matter of u believing in it.

2006-07-19T21:25:00.000+08:00

zzz. i very tired. just reached hme only. damn sian tdy laa. i veh scared fri's bio test. no tym to study. T_T

den by tis sat i hav to go bugis dere return library bk laa. zz. where to find the tym. T__T my eyes are like bloodshot now laa. dammit tired. everyting faster faster pass k. heh.

heh. by hook or my crook, im gonna find a chance to eat swensens this wk. heh. i want crayfish pasta =D

all i can say is, USE YOUR KIDNEYS TO THINK ALSO CAN LUH. its like so obvious how to go abt the whole ting laa. its like easy can. if u really dunno right, den u have to admit tat u r a retard. =DDDDD

and well, i already did.
i carn give my heart away,
cos you live in my heart =p

can u believe i just typed someting like tat? owells, my brain and fingers are being manipulated by some unknown source known as..... ???

=D

2006-07-17T20:06:00.000+08:00

when will the world ever be a better place.

sometyms i just feel tat there's no place for me in this world.

its just how insecure im feeling right now.

cos dere's too many things i dun wanna lose,
and too many things i wanna gain.

why issit tat sumtyms, one will feel like giving up on life, giving up the light.

somehow, i still feel like im stuck in this life.

i want a new life.

aiye damn my head is splitting. heh.

STRANGLE ME WILL YOU

2006-07-17T17:01:00.000+08:00

o lvl listenin compre tdy. heh. gd luck to me bah. wahaha.

hmmm. dun feel like blogging le. lol.

blahblahblahblahblah

bye
=D

2006-07-16T12:37:00.000+08:00

=D

remember myself saying im gonna become bad n stuffs like that right. haha. right now rite, im like driving back to the correct path liao. hah. things that i shld draw a line in between, i draw liao. haha. everything is getting better den i expected. lks like ive overcame my rebellious nature inside and shut it into eternal doom. LOL.

i realise the past month right. ive been habouring many rebellious thoughts. haha. and now im cancelling all the wrong thoughts le. heh. now, im only gonna do the things i tink that is not wrong. =D

welcome ME back (:

anw i created a live journal account. =D

2006-07-15T20:15:00.000+08:00

tdy my sms officially bao. heh.

anws. flag day was fun. ok. the whole day tdy is damn rushing. i woke up at 620 blablabla rushed to skl to onli wait for cat. zz. den took a taxi up the hill to skl. den 8++ start rehearsal. at first. original plan was flag day 10 at orchard. budden halfway cat tell me mrs rod say cannot T_T i explained to qian but apparently she told her mom n she gt scolded. so in end i told her plan = go tamp flag day at 12. den wth tamp de canceled liao. WTF. budden at tat tym i haven ask mrs rod yet if can leave at 11++ den i panicked n ask qian. den she say U CHOOSE. YOUR CCA OR UR FREN. WAH. dead. toasted. but in end 11+ can leave laa. haha. so in end it was orchard, 12. reach late. haha. den i was panting. i run run to the mrt n i was damn thirsty n hungry. NO BREAKFAST NO WATER SINCE MORNING. damn. den we go collect tin. den supposed to b done by 5 cos 5 hours mar. den we go do. den it was acty veh interestin n meaningful. i feel like doing it again. wahhaa. so interestin laa. den in end qian n i met up wif daryl bing yihao nicholas. den yihao left. den the 5 of us do flag day. nicholas n daryl sibei enthu laa. so on. kip askin for donations. haah. den yiheng came. WTH. i tink he jinx me laa. its like he come liao wahkao my luck gone. first he take my slurpee den open den spill abit on my hand. den ever since he come, no one donate to me for LONG LONG LONG tym can. haha. but in end gt laa. we stopped at 5+++. den qian go hme. bing go hme. left me daryl heng n nick. den i bring tem go scotts shopping mal l to eat. haha. i damn pro. intro tem food. i told tem the korean food dere nice. haha. den they go eat. den heng say damn nice. nick say nice. den daryl bot western food instead. zz. cos he scared korean food spicy. LOL. ok den i intro tem yogurt. haha. they all gt buy. den i gt kop all of theirs except nick's. he's one cannot kop. haha. i oso gt buy laa. haha. oh ya. missed out a part. b4 meet up wif daryl dey all. me n qian go eat at marina square. den b4 dat I BOUGHT YOGURT OSO. so i ate yogurt twice tdy. its not enuff. =p yea. go baq to the intro yogurt part for an endin. I LEFT haha. n go hme. kk. heh

oh im toasted. mon gt physics test. haven n no tym to study. DAMN.

FLAG DAY IS FUN N MEANINGFUL.

YOGURT TASTES GOOD.

=)

i wanna watch pirates of the caribbean...

zzz

i wanna sink back into depression. but why.
i dunno.

2006-07-14T19:43:00.000+08:00

im gonna listen to qian. and try to control my sms-es. =D
ive tis feeling i carn do it. wahaha.
tml's flag day. i carn wait.

n damn. mon is physics test. confirm fail T_T

i dun feel like blogging liao. heh. ive no idea wad to blog. anw. i like qian's fone. i always take her fone to play bobby carrots, easter bunny or sumting. haha. iq game. i like haha. train my brain. n it lks like i hav more brain den qian. haha.

hope everyting goes well tml. GOOD LUCK TO ME (:

i guess everyday's getting better. tdy's not bad either =p

2006-07-13T19:41:00.000+08:00

i took a two hr nap earlier. kinda shuang but kinda insufficient laa. i can feel the wind now. somehow, my positive mood turned negative in tis instant.

i asked qian if ive turned bad. she said yes. i think so too. i can feel myself screwing my own life up in some ways that i know is wrong. sounds kinda stupid but i really feel like being rebellious for a while. i have tis feeling laa. its kinda wrong but yeah. i feel like some stupid idiot laa.

its stupid. i dun use to have so many food cravings but now i have alot. haha. i love eating now. i have regular prata cravings too. den sometyms i feel like having crayfish pasta frm swensens. den sometyms i feel like having jap food. and the list goes on. haha.

and ive found the reason for my mood swings already. shhh. i tink i will still have mood swings for quite some tym. haha.

but i still dun get why my mom still suspects me. haha. although its likes lesser le ( im refering to yesterday only) haha.

ok next wk got physics test. cheena test. bio test. im like so slack laa. confirm fail one T_T
must wrk hard laa. or not like chem liddat. fail by tat pathetic half a mark T_T

bye

2006-07-12T19:40:00.000+08:00

tdy i had o lvl cheena oral. it was scary laa. the whole atmosphere friigin scary can. heh. i was shivering laa. den damn nervous oso. mwahaha. i hate orals. heh.

anw. my bill came yest. i almost died. my local calls was - 300 bucks. luckily dere's free incoming and dat my calls onli bao by like 10 bucks. haha. lucky my mom didnt cancel my line laa. or not ill be considered as dead liao. haha.

oh and dere's like 25 more days. n i have 90++ smses left. GREAT. lol

took height and weight tdy. nvr gain height can. T_T
but i lost a kg =D

i played zero point tdy. CHILDHOOD MEMORIES. whee. so fun can. but nt like last tym le. i used to be an expert can. wahahah.
=x

=D

2006-07-11T21:31:00.000+08:00

can sumone tell me

wad now

wo zen me ban

2006-07-11T19:34:00.000+08:00

i failed my chem test by half a mark. T_T

anw im kinda excited abt the flag day tingy. dunno why but like fun leh. heh . most prolly ill go sumwhere slack n gossip wif dear qian. lol. i bet its gonna be real fun laa. haha.

hmmm.

the person she want to be wif is you
but she dunno if she has the determination to wait
as much as she wants to.
these feelings,
she cannot deny.
but if this is really the ending you want
deres nth she can do
but to accept ur gdbye soon
even if she doesnt wan to
she doesnt have a choice

anw. i tink my mood swings are getting better. but they are still dere laa. heh. who cares. anw my mom is so evil can. she still go tell my tutor say i damn bad. wad i everyday duno go where. pls lor. i go skl can. zz. i so guai she dun trust me. i dunno wad she tinkin sia. dunno wads her prob. always like to liddat. lol.

oh ya. i just realise tat the moon can really be comforting at tyms. but its kinda feels bad wen i seee the moon so so so yellow n orangey tis morning. it just lks kinda fierce. heh.

my sixth sense tells me im gonna do sumting brainless and wrong. damn.

2006-07-10T19:06:00.000+08:00

hmm. i tink im having extreme mood swings. one moment, my vision turns blurry ( u shld noe wad tis means), the other moment, i can just luff like shit n be high dere myself. and den, baq to great depresssion mode. its terrrible.

firstly. it feels realli bad to have no money. ive nvr felt like dat b4. its tough. alot of pressure.
next. it feels bad to not hav ur mom trust u.
next. its terrible to cry urself to slp.
and many many more.

u noe wad. i switched my fone off early yesterday due to my dammit mood swings. and den i went to watch tv for a while. and den my mom started telling me all the bullshit again and she doesnt believe i stayed in skl these days. she wants me to draw up a timetable to show her wad tym i will be baq and why. so dumb rite. she doesnt trust me at all. den i gt so screwed up friigin angry n i dunno why my eyes became teary. and den i told my mom n dad nites and i went to my bed. i was lying dere crying luh. its realli sad. i dunno why i was crying. i could feel the enormous pressure laa. terrible i tell u. den i lked out of the window. the only ting accompanying me. sharing my dammit mood. is the mood. it was shining on me. it was shining on me to slp. the feeling is really terrible. i dunno why but it feels like everyting i do is wrong. everyting i touch is screwed up. its bad. its this horrible feeling you wouldnt want to have. its horrible. u noe how it feels like. it feels like u want to slp ur life away. it feels like u wanna give up everyting. everyting including ur education and go lead sum simple life in a cotttage sumwhere in the mountains by the sea and stuffs like dat. its terrible. i feel like lying on sum shoulder till the next morning. i feel like kicking my pillows and bolster n throw some baby's tantrums. its horrible. i just feel like i dun wanna care my life animore. and just hand it to sumone else to help me take care of it. its so friigin screwed up. i really feel very screwed up can. i noe tis sounds stupid n retarded but idun care. im past caring abt all tis friigin bullshit already. if it weren't for the ppl living i mite hav already jumped off the damn building. i dunno luh. tis whole ting sucks. its like the world is falling on me. im dying. i realli wan some shoulder i dunno why. wadever. i carn be bothered anymore.

bye.

2006-07-09T16:35:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY QIAN DEARIE.

heh.

=D

2006-07-08T17:59:00.000+08:00

i veh sian n tired. zz

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOLENE DARLING. HEH.

2006-07-07T18:50:00.000+08:00

frederick sia is an idiot. zz.

anw. tdy aft cca. i called my mom to fone her tat i nid go library to borrow bk for my dammit bk report cos she acty wanted me to go hme early at 2. zz. n apparently she doesnt believe me. den wen i told her tml gt cca again. damn. she didnt believe even more. zz. i dammit sian i tell u. sooner or ltr. i carn go out on saturdays. zzz. anw. i ate uzumaki chocolate ice cream. heh. i damn sian now. i tired like shit i tell u. zz. i bet tml my mom will curfew me go hme and all the dammit shit. i carn stand my mom pressurizing me n dun believing me anymore. so aft tinkin abt it, ive decided. to quit sumting. heh. but i haven confirm yet. tink first bah. haha.

ok. id un feel like blogging anymore so, bye. zz. lol.

im having mood swings so pardon me. =)

2006-07-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

i love uzumaki green tea ice-cream!

worldpeace..LOL

2006-07-06T21:57:00.000+08:00

ai hen nong
xin hen kong
gai zen me ting zai ni xin zhong
zhe zhen chang yi qiu de ji mo shi jian
dai bu zou

ai hen duo
xin hen tong
jiu jing you duo shao ci cuo guo
zhe wei yi de cheng nuo shen shen mai zai xin zhong
wo que wu fa kai kou

xiang xing fang zai xin zhong
yuan shui shi wei ni bao liu
chen mai zai wo kou dai
ye rang feng ba ta dai zou
si nian bu neng fang kai
ta jiu xiang chao shui nan yi hui shou
jiu suan xiang yao yi miao zhong
jiu yi zu gou

2006-07-06T18:33:00.000+08:00

i love the rain. and it rained tdy. whee.

ive lost my inspiration completely.
cos nth now can be described using words.

aiye. whatever.

i carn be bothered liao. its been kinda sian these days and everyting just sucked. everyting sucks big time.

2006-07-05T19:21:00.000+08:00

suddenly obsessed wif tis song,

san ge zi.

wait. digress a while. i slpt during physics tdy. n my wrksheet gt all wet. i drooled. gt the pics but i kinda no mood. den aft skl, i walked out of gate, at the abandoned busstop dere gt condom. but the pcket onli laa. if its the used ting, i puke liao. zz.
acty i hav alot to blog tdy de. cos i had loads of inspiration tdy. haiis. i dun feel well now. i feel like going to the beach. so random. zz. i just feel like letting everyting go wif the wind. my mood now is damn shit. its not ap or anyting. its, ok, whatever. i dun wanna put my mood down here. i feeling veh emo now.

lying again. zz. im not ok. im not. like who can tell. who can i tell abt how im feeling rite now. terrible.

i need a shoulder, terribly.

maybe, the right path isnt for me aftall.
im not myself tonight
i wont be myself tml

its all just the stupid rushing emotions. screw you.
these stupid emotions made me cry. eff.

just realised, ive been kinda emo lately.

these 2 mths. have been the worst for me. the worst.

ive nvr been so weak before. it sucks. it really does.

i dunno why but ive totally lost interest in every single ting. i wanna go away. i wanna go somewhere far away. away frm tis complicated and confusing place.

i turned off the lights so noone can see me cry.

i need a shoulder.

i remember there was once, i asked for your shoulder.
but now, doing dat only makes it worse.

i wan eat ice cream. heh.

someone steal my identity pls
so i can leave without anyone knowing

2006-07-04T19:32:00.000+08:00

everyone wants a second chance,
but who will treasure tat chance they are given.

zhi shi san ge zi.

yin wei wo xin li you san ge zi bu neng gao su ni

ai qing bu shi yi dao uan ze ti

you carn choose the correct answer wen it comes to love.
cos nth is wrong.

do wad u tink u shld do.
do wad u tink is right.

once again i repeat.

COZ YOU WOULDNT WANT TO REGRET

=P

2006-07-03T12:47:00.000+08:00

i can really make up stories. damn. im good.

不要一错再错

if you know its wrong. dun go on doing it. dont stay hanging dere when u noe u will fall.

random

sometyms, i realli wish the stories i make up is true.
tat im not lying.
its all the stupid retarded fantasies.

i feel like eating chocolate and green tea uzumaki ice cream.

LOL.

2006-07-03T11:27:00.000+08:00

my youth day is screwed up. congratulations to me.

Your EQ is

133
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Your Personality Profile

You are pure, moral, and adaptable.
You tend to blend into your surroundings.
Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends.

You believe that you live a virtuous life...
And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye.
As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

wow. ITS ME. heh.

You Are 48% Happy

You're definitely a happy person, even though you have your down moments.
You tend to get the most out of life, though there's always some more happiness to be squeezed.

How Happy Are You?

You Are 24% Lady

You tend to make up your rules of etiquette, throwing all conventions aside.
And while you try to be a lady (sometimes), your behavior is often quite shocking.

Are You A Lady?

wahahaha.

2006-07-02T12:57:00.000+08:00

i just woke up. i shall blog again ltr but i shall blog at sumting b4 i forget it.

its abt my mom.

she just doesnt trust me luh. its like hello, im the typical guai kia can. ROFL. im like the A2 guai kia kind. its like there are many many many tings dat i would nvr nvr do wen the tym isnt rite. i mean, i noe wad im doing laa mom. you noe wad she tinks. she tinks i anyhow outside can. she tinks i did it. wth. come' on laa. even my frens noe i will never do it. as in my stand laa, is tat i will nvr do it. den my mom leh. she live wif me for 15 yrs plus and i lived in her womb for 9 mths or so and she doesnt noe dat im not kinda person. wen i told her i nvr and would nvr do it. she tell me " how i noe u. nowadays the youngster all anyhow. den u nowadays everyday go out" pls laa i go skl lor. I GO SKL LEH. walau laa. she just doesnt trust me can. den she kip tokin alt of shit. i told her alot of tyms i wun do it laa. she is such a moron. im not tat kinda person can. wad do u see me as laa. and come on laa, my mom watches too much tv and newspaper dat she tinks every single teenager is like wad posted on the news and stuff. having sex at an average age of 15. alot come out in the newspaper doesnt mean everyone is doing it laa. wth. me very guai one lor. i dun understand wads her problem. zz. always like to suspect me here and dere. still warn me sumore abt doing it laa. walau. mom i groww up liao n i noe wad im doing can. plus i go hme so early can. wahlao laa. my mom is ridiculous. i go out wif fren she oso warn me not to go out wif other guys. wahlao. i dun understand wads her problem. point 1. dun trust me like siao. point 2. guys and girls cannot be friends meh. stupid laa. i dun understand why she doesnt trust me so much. its not like i did sumting grave b4 rite. at first i tot c1's mom was bad enuff to call her friends. now u see. my mom suspects dat i did sex. she doesnt trust me. ok she not suspect can. she assumes and believes i did it wen i absolutely did not. walau laa. her daughter here sibei pure one lor. ass laa. i dun wanna tok abt her liao. she is UNBELIEVABLE.

tym for the random stuffs

if you ever wondered,
i ever imagined myself lying on your shoulders,
silently,
with just whispers,
sleeping through the whole night,
where your heart is just beside mine,
where tym seems to stop for us,
on that longest night.

2006-07-01T20:09:00.000+08:00

tdy cca was ok. quite fun acty as in the ltr part laa. ok skip skip skip. i went to bugis. den i saw the superband tingy btu so many ppl block laa. den i go up but onli can see their head T_______T . I SAW SOUL. I LIKE ALFRED CAN. HE IS CUTE. HEH. THE REST OSO CUTE LAA. DEN I SEE THE LUCIFY OSO. ok i tink im gonna support tem too. heh. i dunno the names yet laa. but tis guy wearin black sleeveless frm lucify rite. I SAW HIS UNDERWEAR cos he squat down den he zhao geng. WAHHAHAHA. I SAW HIS UNDERWEAR. whee. lol. i took a pic of it laa. id unno why i damn high oso. as in enuthu dat kinda high. yes. nt the type of high u tinkin. haha. den aft tat i go library. wahhahaahha. I GO LIBRARY LEH. n i borrowed 3 bks. chinese de. sum love story i tink. wahahahaha. den i go baq. gt superband again. I SAW MILUBING N JUZ-B. wahhaha. I SUPPORT MILUBING. very cute. haahahahahah. i siao liao. lol.

and now, the random part.

if i could choose again. i'd still choose you. heh.

hmm i took tis on my way hme cos i was tinking.
PS. for ur info i dun live in melville park if u tink i do. haha. i just nided to pass dere to get to my hse de baqgate. wahahah.

why issit all red lights. why does it signal the ppl to stop. when will it be green?
ALL IT TAKES IS THE BUTTON. PRESS THE BUTTON TO GET ACROSS. TO GET THE GREEN MAN. AND YOU WILL GET THERE EVENTUALLY.

2006-06-30T19:21:00.000+08:00

i noe tis sounds stupid but hey its true.

i took a nap just now. but b4 tat, i asked my sis if i had tuition n she said no. so i went to take a nap. i was dammit tired laa. i nidded it so much. i went to take a nap for a while. den sumone woke me up. mom says gt tuition n teach was dere. i was totally shagged laa. den i ignore her but she kip calling me up. den i wake up go kitchen take a drink and i just cried. couldnt help it im seriously tired laa. and i carn even hav a lil sleep. everyting is so wrong den. i just wanted sum slp. den was like bendin my head down cos i was crying. den my mom tell me dun angry. i tell her tml i got skl laa. like wth i tired can. tml still nid go skl. like wen can i hav my proper sleep. i have not slpt for more den 8 hrs for tis whole wk. i noe i sound like sum kuku ass. cos u ppl out dere may hav lesser slp den me. did i ever mention dat im anaemic? ok wadever laa. i carn take it. am weak and wadever. my mood is like totally ruined. my whole wk is toasted. my whole wk is screwed. to think i tot tdy wld be better. like who it tat idiot who made the phrase tml will be better. like come on. wich tml. ok cont. so i was like totally shagged. den i go my mom bed dere. i go complain to my sis n question her. I TOT I NO TUITION. i was totally pissed n i dunno how to describe. den imy teach n mommy were chatting laa, as always. den i go my mom bed dere lie down n i kip crying but fell aslp in the end and drooled. heh. while i was cryin wif my eyes shut, i told myself to faster dry my tears b4 i start tuition but i couldnt. it just kept flowing. dat moment, i found out how weak i was. i broke down earlier den i expected. i shut my eyes. tried to slp. n immediately was thinking abt how everyting is so wrong now. its the second tym tis wk i cried so much. the second tym is the ultimate. im dead laa. its so wrong now. i noe im wrong complaining abt my life down here n dat alot of ppl are far worse den me. but carn i just say tat everything is wrong. i noe there r ppl worse out dere but i just wanna pen it all down. how i feel and stuffs. so. its the second tym i cried tis wk. and the second tym my tears flowed tdy. wen i was crying i realli wished u were dere. just one wrd of concern. i dunno laa. its so wrong. everyting is so screwed up. i have to put tis all out now. den tml go to skl and put of an effing facade and smile at everyone i see. ohmytian wad on earth is wrong laa.and you see arh. i haven ben having proper meals lately. ive been skipping meals or maybe take my meal late n end up missing dinner cos lunch shifted to dinner tym. i dun even hav the mood to eat. or maybe im nt hungry yet. maybe tats psychological but i dun care. its affecting my routine. its affecting my health. im gonna get some major illness soon. i can feel it. and apparently i can hear ur luffter. hey its nt funny. all tis tings coming at the wrong tym. all tis suay stuff. i get irritated so easily now. frustrated so easily. i dun wanna sink into great depression yet. its nt the tym for me to sink yet.

uniquely( da ge ) jolene - myriad of blurs says:
U WASTING URE HEART ON AN IDIOT.
][ HOLY COW ][ ; *‮٭‮* says:
DUN TELL ME

uniquely( da ge ) jolene - myriad of blurs says:
ure so wasting ure heart on him
wad an ass
][ HOLY COW ][ ; *‮٭‮* says:
u dun have to tell me

jolene indirectly told me tat im a fool. but did i have a choice? and it effing hurts me for i fell for a ******* ch*******.
den my family. my dad has 7 to support including himself. he;s stressed out too. im stressed out too. we have no money. T_T
den i have no tym to slp. u noe my slp is nvr enuff for me. cos im anaemic. even wen i wake up frm a long nap or wadsoever, i will still feel tired. really. im always tired. i carn help it. i nid my slp. if im disturbed frm a slp or carn slp. ill cry. i noe i seriously sound like a crybaby now but wadver. haiis. im so screwed now.

and you were never dere to save me.

NEVER.

what would you do if you saw me cry. nothing?

2006-06-30T15:38:00.000+08:00

im tired. i really am very tired. physically and mentally. well, gd news first, kinda unexpected but ed gt first for cheering. whee. pardon me if my whee doesnt sound right, cos im not in the mood.

tdy aft sports day, i had cca. zz. den while waitin for tem to start, i was down dere thinking and den i pressed a few buttons on my fone and clicked play and den i could hear it. and den i teared silently. its difficult. for me. i was determined and i am determined. but just not enuff. i used to use my brain to think cos i didnt wanna get hurt. but now, my heart tells me i regret. my heart is reprimanding me for not listening to it den. my heart is killing me. my heart makes me feel like a fool. my heart tells me to tell. but my brain tells me i will regret. my heart tells me i cannot forget him, my brain tells me to be positive. my heart tells me i really like him, my brain tells me he isnt worth it. my heart tells me to give it a try, my brain tells me to let go.

as much as my heart tells me ill regret not telling, my brain seems to get control of it.

i dun get it either.

its like. you noe what you mean to me?
you make me like you. but u make me hate u too.
its just, i dunno how to describe.

cos wad u r doing is hurting me so.

im really really very tired. i really am. damn tired.

one day, if i break down, its expected.

i dunno why but i want you to see me cry. i want you to see me cry because of you. only then, you will understand.

2006-06-29T19:56:00.000+08:00

i have been down on my luck for 3 days straight. so i guess itll be better tml rite. haha. and guess wad, ive been hearing the song, yuan lai, in my ears. every now and den. it will just sound in my ears. even wen i go to slp. yuan lai zui gu dan de shi wo hai shi na me xiang ni.

remember tis?
there are ppl who want to hurt you. but there are also ppl who will get hurt because you are.

now tis.
there are ppl who try to help some other ppl. but they dunno what they are doing are hurting you so much in the process.

i flipped thru my notebk. and i saw tis. tis was wad i always told other ppl

in chinese han yu pin yin

ru guo ni ai ta
ni jiu yao rang ta zhi dao
bu ran
ni hui hou hui de

if translanted, it means, if you like sumone, you have to let the person noe or you will regret it.

what i always believed in but yet dun practise it. im dumb.

and den i wrote tis on the bk today.

in han yu pin yin

ta xi huan ni
dan hen tong ku
suo yi fang qi.
ni xi huan ta
suo yi fang shou.
dan ni zhi dao ma
ta hai shi xi huan zhe ni

translated---- she likes you. but, it was difficult for her and so, she gave up. you like her, so you let go. but do you know, she still likes you. really.

she opened up her heart,
and listened to her heart.
and it says dat she still likes you.

do you know, how much it pains her wen u do tat. you tink u r helping. but u r not. her heart tears wenever you try to do it. it does.

well, i guess she will just keep it all down inside. she wun tell you. she doesnt noe why. but she just wun tell you.

you know how heart wrenching it is? she still likes you.

2006-06-28T22:06:00.000+08:00

hmmm. i tink i noe wad i want liao.

but it doesnt mean i have to get it

2006-06-28T19:35:00.000+08:00

tdy was suay. suay laa. wth. i shall get into the aft skl part. i was at tm. i saw an arse. like wah. suay or nt suay la. zzz. den aftward ya. zz. no mood to tok abt it. so stupid. i carn believe i did it. heh. im fine liao. haha.

SORRY.

2006-06-27T19:22:00.000+08:00

skl was boring and slack today. n dere was walkathon aft skl n im frigin tired. no mood. zz.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

Although you may have been hurt before, you tend to bring very little scars into new relationships.

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is medium.
You probably have had a couple significant loves.
And you may have even had your heart broken.
But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people.

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.

Independence:

Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.

The Five Variable Love Test

this sucks.

we are supposed to be honest and not lie rite

den wen u say the truth, there will be alot of complications.

wen you dun wan to lie anymore cos you see no purpose in lying, you tell the truth, but does it do you any help in any way. it doesnt. in fact, it might even get you into trouble. so is the truth really worth it. does it pay to be honest.

well. i noe. IT DOESNT PAY TO TELL THE TRUTH.

IT DOESNT PAY TO BE HONEST.

tdy just isnt my day.

sry. maybe its my fault. whatever. nt maybe. it is.

push me off the building will ya

push me into the road will ya

poison my food will ya

strangle me.

2006-06-26T19:55:00.000+08:00

tdy was the first day of school and apparently i didnt screw it up. i passes up all the hmewrk. whee. i did the hw within less den 24 hrs. haha. im pro. i chionged my hw. whee. and i completed it laa. im damn pro. chem, bio, e math, a math. all done. heh. im gd.

tdy aft skl, i went to buy contacts solution and i saw adriano. poor ting shy me doesnt dare to ask for his number. he lks cute. haha. sounds like im some hua chi but hey, im not. haha. its so stupid. everyone arnd me says they saw adriano b4 except me. so tdy i saw im. yeah. oh ya. saw alot of primary skl frens oso. and APPARENTLY no one regconises me. sobs. its like they walk past, i stare at tem, they dun realise im their p skl buddy. haiis. tis is retarded. den yeah i went hme took a nap and woke up. ( like duh)

tml gt walkathon. and skl starts at 810 but unfortunately ends at 3. zz. stupid lor. aft 3 gt walkathon. zz. imagine how tired i will be.

oh ya. tis is damn random. imagine this couple quarrel laa. den the guy tries to act romantic and den he go take a video of himself. den he manipulates his body well to form the letters " FORGIVE ME" n at the end makes a heart shape out of his hands. wah. damn wacky. but nevertheless sweet laa. rofl. its the ultimate.

did i mention dat jol n qian were interrogating me laa. they were like kip suspecting and all tat shit and say wad sumtign will happen soon and all the dammit nonsense. it realli make me luff like hell laa. lmao.

hmmm. i kinda like it this way. the way tings are now. although its a lil empty. ok to be honest, nt a lil, very. but its like at least, its nt complicatin confusing and stuffs like dat. at least, it doesnt make ur hair drop. at least, a brain freeze is nt needed and can save money. heh. aiye its just the wrong tyming now. i feel like i have the mood, but i feel like no mood at the same tym. terrible.

damn. im still in the holiday mood. i dun wan to go to skl. haiis. i dun like to study. i dun like text bks. haiis.

I'M SUFFOCATING. DAMN.

sometimes, i wish a day is 36 hours. 15 hours for slp. 6 hours for skl. 15 hours left. 6 hours for quality tym wif friends. 9 hours left. u can do anything u wan wif it. socialise. make more friends. go do part tym. get more money. ---- essential. oh tat reminds me, did i mention dat im broke. im broke like shit. haiis. i hate tis.

aiye i dunno what to blog liao. i like totally no mood now for anything. zz. i noe tis sounds random but i feel like going to the beach now.

HAHAHAHA

i duno why but i feel like i wanna be a kid. zz. i feel like kickin all my pillows and bolsters away and start rollin around on my bed and whine the whole day.

2006-06-25T13:17:00.000+08:00

when the hmewrk is drowning you, what do you do. lol. the hmewrk is drownin me but i hav totally no mood to even touch tem. the hmewrk is so cold laa.

random- i was right. 40 percent of it won.

lets see. what is the first ting u tink of wen u are sitting on a very high ground without boundaries. lets say, the top of a building. " nice view!" or " what will happen if i jump off this building". for me, its the later. or maybe, when im in a gd mood, i'll tink, " what if i jump off this building. tw, nice view" heh. okay tis is damn random too. i have no idea what is on my mind now. its kinda dead. n yeah, im loving it. not tinking abt any bullshit rite now. except lking at bull's conver.-------jolene online tokin crap. and she is apparently in her xiaomei's hse making love i guess. LOL. her xiaomei hse= love nest. heh

jol ( da ge ) - checkmate it's over says:
i don do 4somes
-.-
][ ℎℴℓⓨ ₪ ℂℴⓦ ][ ; *‮٭‮* says:
LOL
can
jol ( da ge ) - checkmate it's over says:
and public displays
his dad here?

who is she trying to kid. why carn do 4somes.
*applause pls* for our almighty jolene has officially done it the first tym in public. heh.

she is threatening me right now. damn her.

oh lk.

jol ( da ge ) - checkmate it's over says:
frederick
][ ℎℴℓⓨ ₪ ℂℴⓦ ][ ; *‮٭‮* says:
why u so agitated wen i say JW ANW ARH
jol ( da ge ) - checkmate it's over says:
sia
][ ℎℴℓⓨ ₪ ℂℴⓦ ][ ; *‮٭‮* says:
frederick?
jol ( da ge ) - checkmate it's over says:
love
][ ℎℴℓⓨ ₪ ℂℴⓦ ][ ; *‮٭‮* says:
no link
jol ( da ge ) - checkmate it's over says:
jolene

it says. frederick sia loves jolene. haha. she ownself say one. she must b havin a whale of a tym dere.

im in a horribly bad mood. irritate me and u r dead. =D

2006-06-24T22:03:00.000+08:00

i was surfing sum horoscope tingy and saw tis birthday interpretation tingy

and well. this.

28th Day of the Month
A birthday on the twenty-eighth day of the month indicates a strong willed, dominant, tenacious person who is nonetheless filled with love and willing to go to any lengths for its sake. In this regard, your unions may be unconventional, but are always in keeping with your ideals. Executive by nature, you want to excel and will make great sacrifices to do so. Your tendency to daydream and goof off could nullify all your wonderful gifts, so you must never let laziness get the upper hand. Most of your disappointments come from magnifying everything that concerns your life. Freedom is essential to you; you suffer when restrained or limited in any way. Watch out for the tendency to drop your ideals once you have realized them, since this can deny you your final success.

den i went to see the 29 de. cos i was borned close to midnite. heh.(jol told me to check it out)

birthday on the twenty-ninth day of the month indicates inspiration, spirituality and leadership abilities, since this is a master vibration (2+9=11). You have a unique ability to bring together disparate forces and can mediate labor problems or unify religious differences. Your powers are great; you can use them to bring honor or destruction to yourself and others - as you choose. You're an extremist in everything, intense in love and judgments, either way up or way down emotionally. Home is essential to your happiness, but you're high strung and moody, and not easy to live with. You get absorbed in your dreams, aspirations and plans and forget to consider the needs or feelings of those around you. You need a definite work to keep you balanced and efficient.

heh. only this one not as true as the other i guess, tis one only the extremist part and home tingy true. heh

2006-06-24T19:07:00.000+08:00

i haven done my hw yet. lol. im so dead can. T___T

went for carnival just now n gt hme wet. heh. won coffee maker during lucky draw. cousin played all the games but i didnt. wel, cos i didnt wanna be the oldest participant. heh. gt alot ppl laa. i didnt noe my condo dere gt a few shuai ges can. lol. oh ya. my main purpose for going to the carnival was to search for my childhood. 2 yrs le bah. couldnt find him in the end. but instead, as i was lkin arnd, i spotted a very familiar back. the tennis guy. heh. he lks the same laa. i bet benhui n ys remember him. lol. he lks the same laa. just dat well, a bit more shuai. i saw his baq dat tym i was like WTH familiar. den i walked into the functions room and den i saw him. WAH its him indeed. rofl. ok. sounds stupid but nvm. oh ya. i didnt find dat piece of childhood memory, wich is tat kcpss guy laa. heh. but i saw sumone related to him! his coussie or sumting. yeah. his cousin was the cause why i knew him baq den. cos his cousin bully my baby bro den we go attack him. haha. oh ya. tdy taat lil cousin of his, small boy kelvin or sumting. dunno why, i was playin in the water he come attack me. n made my shirt wet. T___T fancy me getting bullied by a kid. lol. yep n arnd 6+ i came hme. but well, i can still see sum shuai ges frm up here, my balcony. ok. nt veh shuai but well, better den i expected my condo's guys to be. heh. shld have took a walk to the main swimming area. wad a pity. heh. although i didnt find back my childhood memory tis year, i tink i will still be dere at the next carnival! haha. i will still search. but well, i wun play games liao. last tym i gt play de. cos tat guy ( childhood memory) gt play and well, he was older den me, wich makes me not the eldest contestant, and tats why i played laa. heh. maybe nxt tym, he might be dere and i will play! cos i wun be the eldest. haha. frankly speaking, i dunn realli noe anione frm my condo except for my tuition teach, my neighbours, the minimart auntie, the security guards. pathetic. anyone frm my condo make friends wif me? small kids oso can. haha. they'll be loads of fun. rofl.

dead. dead. dead.

i have not completed my hw. i haven touch ding zhuang oso. T___T

what, can u do

2006-06-24T12:02:00.000+08:00

am i not determined enough
have i not been through enough
its not easy
really
to have made the decision
cos it was too pain
for me

why issit that jol noe me so well. lol. sounds kinda stupid but she noes wad im thinking. she noes wad i feel. she noes im running away frm it. she noes. she is the only one who noes how deep i m in the effing well, ok ( jol said hole). its terrible. still, i dunno why, i still dun say the complete truth. i dunno why. i carn. i just carn. as much as i wanna sa it, i carn. jol tells me to do sumting. like wth, m i supposed to do sumting? no i dun wan to. haiis confusing.

anw tdy my hse gt carnival. wheets. i called my cousin over. we are gonna have fun! yays. YAY.

haiis. i tink maybe im nt gonna watch those movies i wanan watch afterall. no money. T__T

2006-06-23T12:50:00.000+08:00

im like stuck again.
wth.
jol says im in the bottom of the well and i carn come out
but i told her i can fly
zz
like who m i trying to kid.
yeah. i can fly.

ok tdy my fone had sum probs. den i go my inbox dere some older msg-es had the number dere but nt the name dere laa but ya i noe who send de laa. den i was wonderin if my fonebk was having sum kinda prob so i went to re-save the number, as in delete n save again. yeah. so i re-save the mobile fone number and the hme number. i wasnt sure abt the home number so i went to double-check in my fone bk, cos most prob, the person called me b4 so it must be in the call log laa. yep. so i went in the call log, and i saw under the missed call dere got unexpected miss call like few days ago. i was like, huh, tis guy gt call me meh. den i realised dat day my fone siao, turned off the accpt calls tingy so no one can call me. rofl. n i onli realised, at tat point, only one person miss called me. and tat person, i realise tdy, is onlylike 1 min diff frm the unexpected one. so issit like, fated or wad. or issit like unfair or wad. i hav no idea. ok tis is so random but who cares.

im still young
yet i think so much like wth
im trying my best nt to tink
but u tink it'll wrk?
doubt so

this so completely sucks.
i shall insert sumting random first - when i woke up, all the food was gone. no food for me T.T

ok. my brain is going to explode. AHHH. this really sucks big tym man. i guess i have to heed advice frm jol's blog. get a brainfreeze. heh.

and why carn i seem to stop lying. why carn i stop lying. why issit so hard to say the complete truth. my brain is splitting. my heart is tearing. wth. its too difficult for me, i cannot take it.

i have like 70 free smses left n 2more wks for the bill to renew. i have to watch my fone usage properly liao. or not, my mom is gonna cancel my line. T_T
and i went to dot he groceries just now. cos no food mar. den i go ntuc dere. n i spent 26 bucks approx. n my savings i dunno how, depleted like siao liao. u can consider me havin no money. so i told my mom, MOM I NO MONEY LIAO. MY SAVINGS GONE. n i gt scolded. zz. she say i dunno how to use money properly n wad ALWAYS go movie n eat. bleh. i where gt always. zz. im so broke. she says she nt gonna gimme money liao. T_____T i dunno why but i think im high maintenance. maybe nt high. quite low acty heh. so contradicting. but u see, now although our financial situation better abit liao, but still nt as b4. n its like wth, considered broke. and now im wondering laa. 29 june is my daddy's b day n i dunno wad to buy for him. T____T and see, i gt so many movies i wanna watch. its sucha pain to be broke. haiis.

am i really resigned to fate?
must i resign to fate?

no, there isnt sucha thing.
fate is up to us.
with one simple step,
we can change our destiny.
we can change all this.

just one simple move can change everything.

but i dunno why
my feet are rooted to the ground,
i canot make a move.
im stuck in the bottom of the well,
i cannot come out.
if only there was a hand
to pull me out
and to lead me
to where i really belong

im too young for this crap. heh :D

2006-06-22T15:47:00.000+08:00

hi im fish and i jus realise that faus does not noe how to cherish de ppl around her...hais...so ke lian..LOL and she like to cheat ppl's money T_T
she a moron that likes ice-cream and yogurt so plz dun buy for her or u will regret...if u wan to waste de money..den buy for me...

she says :"everybody makes mistakes and den dey will regret,so don't regret and buy faus some yogurt today"

fish says :"u sure regret buy for her de...waste money on morons.."

2006-06-22T14:37:00.000+08:00

i just found out tat nan quan ma ma's new songs are really nice. i only heard two songs properly n i like tem laa. its li jia bu yuan and qiang yu mei gui. damn nice laa. heh. n i just realised JUST MY LUCK is out! whee. lets see what movie i wanna watch. i wanna watch LADY IN THE WATER, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN dead man's chest, SUPERMAN RETURNS ( HEH) and GARFIELD 2 (maybe). anyone wanna treat me? i dun mind. wahahaha.
oh ya. n mommy doesnt trust me laa. its like now everyday i reach hme i have to call her laa. den everytym she will sms me n ask me where i m. so its like wth laa. she suspect sumting can. zz. always liddat. seems like it will be for a long tym she's gonna do tis laa. zz. it will be long long LONG tym ltr b4 i get complete freedom. ok digress a whil, just went to gv.com.sg den its like very lil movies dere laa. as in they show veh lil movies as to the new movies yet out. so i went to shaw.com.sg. i go clickt eh coming soon one. and i saw some movies dat lk interesting. heh. lets see. i tink i wanna watch boo. it sounds kinda nice. i suddenly wan watch horror as in the seriously scary dat kind. dunno why btu i jsut wanna watch it laa.

hmm. tis is damn random.
have you ever wished a car knocked you down and dat you get admitted to the hospital just because you wanna noe how many care for you and who will visit you? i have. wahahaha. sounds retarded. ignore me. heh.

what is right and what is wrong.

just dont regret. do whatever you want as long as you won't regret.
cos you wouldnt wanna regret.
you wouldnt wanna regret not doing something you want to do.

2006-06-21T18:55:00.000+08:00

hmmm. tdy i left hme at like 11 n came baq at like 6++. went for council agm laa. den the new councillors come. yeah. den haiye kinda sian, dun feel like blogging. oh ya i wan blog abt the beating the hands game laa. dunno how to call it but ya is slap the hands one. den i was playing wif ys. den he damn violent. my whole hand red like siao. den my palm oso can see the blood laa. lol. ok. anw my mom pissed can. cos i go hme at 6. now she like to track me lor. everytym confirm calll me ask me where i m or why i haven go hme. T_____T she must be suspecting. zz. den tml i gt cca. at like 730? like wtf. i haven had a gd sleep for like how long can. sian laa. n plus, my mom is pissed lor. n my hmewrk all nt done. sian laa. i wish i had a robot hu can help me do hmewrk. or maybe a very nice clone dat can help me go to skl. zz. haiis. the holidays are so short. and well, so screwed up. i gt alot of tings i wan to do but have no tym for them. T_____T hmm. tis fri i shall stay at hme and chiong my hmewrk.. oh ya. shit i haven read that stupid chinese ding zhuang meng bk. wth. gt test. T_______T hais. im gonna slp very long tml. n maybe friday i can onli hav half a day to hmewrk. cos i wanna like wake up at, hmmm, 2 or 3 pm. whee. heh. i feel like slpin laa. T______T sumore nowadays weather so gd for slping. sad. den this saturday. my hse here gt carnival. mom wants me to go play n invite cousin go. n, i oso wan go play. so sat carn do hw. lol. hmmm. i still can remember the carnival 1 or 2 yrs ago. vry pleasant and fun. it was like a dream laa. i remember i met a guy dere. ROFL. damn funny. but it was that was the only tym i saw him, and i nvr saw him again. so its like a dream laa. heh. hmmm.

i hate doing things i dun wanna do.
this is so gonna be the last ting i do and i hate.

im gonna be a nice girl n listen to daddy. heh. he says " dun do things that you dun like to do". however, dat excludes studying. heh. true laa. why make ur life miserable doing sumting u dun like just because u r obliged to do so, supposed to do so or maybe responsible for it. i mean ya laa, responsibility is impt. but u must see, life is short and must treasure what you have so just do whatever you wan n dun do wadever u dun wan. you dun hav to care abt other factors. i mean. ask urself laa. what do u want most. what is the most impt. if u really tink carefully n deep enough. i guess we all have the same answer. we want to be happy. and being happy is very impt. i believe everyone who loves you want you to be happy too, right? so just go ahead and do wadever you want, and dun do wadever you dun want. as long as you are happy, and it doesnt harm. why am i putting tis in my blog? lol. cos i wan to remind myself. i want to be happy. i dun wanna do tings i dun wanna do. im not gonna care wad ppl will tink if i dun do those tings i dun wanna do. cos i want my life to be happy. i want to do things i like and things i noe that will benefit the well being of myself. i dun wanna harm myself by doing things i dun wan cos i wun be happy.
the last thing i would ever do is to make myself unhappy.

wish me gd luck.

i am aware that there are somethings i dun wanna do but i have to do.
let this be the last pls.

ps. im sorry i cannot be understanding. sorry.

wo zhong yu zhen zhen de fang kai le(:

i dunno why but i feel like talking abt the importance of a dictionary. lol.
a dictionary is very useful. serious. everytym i go online rite, i will open my dictionary ( the computer one of course. lol) yep. den wen i see any wrds i dunno or my fren type sum chim idiotic tingy, i will just go search for the word so i can understand n can thus improve my vocabulary and learn more new things at the same time. cool. lol. this sounds like an advertisement. lol. a dictionary is a must. we must learn to acquire knowledge you see. its a gd ting. and sure it feels gd wen u use chim wrds on ppl and they ask u wad it is rite. lol. so. make the dictionary your good fren tdy. =D heh

2006-06-20T19:02:00.000+08:00

hmm. tdy me n chongning go watch omen. lol. at first wanted silenthill one budden dunno why omen in the end. rofl. so buy the tic liao den we walk arnd tm dere den finally settled on pizza hut for lunch. rofl. in the end i made a loss of 3 bucks. zz. chongning u owe me money. heh. den oh ya. she owes me 50 bucks too. cos she lose her bet. so obvious laa. i wld noe it myself. so yay 50 bucks for me. heh. hmm, den we eat eat eat liao we go watch movie. was late but nt say late oso. cos movie 140 wo reach at 150 n still commercial laa. 2pm den the movie start. lol. the movie is nt scary at all can. zz. i want scary de! lol. den oh ya. it has a terrible ending can. lol. like considered no endin liddat. hmm. gt one part damn funny. the evil nanny hop onto the father aka robert ( in the show) den i gt a shock laa. den i was like screaming " AHHHHH" de i pull chongning's shirt. lol. but seriously nt scary. oh ya , nt so malu cos i nt onli one who scream. lol. hmm aft movie we go whitesands dere to meet ys n benedict for a chat cos still early wad. yep. chat chat chat. lol. n well ys dere rite. den both benedict n chongning noe abt it liao. WTH. lol. hmm nvm. i guess everyting will settle tml. hopefully. heh. yep. den chongning gt piano. so we like leave liao. den she go hme. ben accompany us for a chat for a while until his dad fetch him. den me n ys down dere chat lor. yep. chat alot i guess. lol. ya. den take bus 12 den go hme lor. lol. yep. dats all. haha.

tml. its tml.

2006-06-19T17:33:00.000+08:00

Your Birth Month is January

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can.
Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you.

Your soul reflects: deep love, fascination with life, and a distinctive persona

Your gemstone: Garnet

Your flower: Snowdrop

Your colors: Black, dark red, and dark blue

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer:

Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.
Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up!

Why a Cancer will love you:

You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.
A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

hmm. i used to think a leo or virgo suited me better. or maybe pisces laa. lol. now cancer is in too. lol. horoscope. haiis. everywhere oso diff de. heh.

Your Kissing Purity Score: 74% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing

Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as down to earth and reliable.

Overall, your true self is reserved and logical.

With friends, you seem thoughtful and interested in ideas.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situations, you seem cheerful and optimistic.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

2006-06-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

tdy i woke up like damn early. den send my granny to airport cos she goin indonesia for like 3 mths i tink. yep. den aft tat go my cousin's graduation celebration dinner. roffle. she damn pro. b4 she grad, gt 3 law firms wan hire her liao. LOL. k so aft tat went to china town wif mom bro sis bro maid. lol. i bought alot of chocs. whee. lol. hmmm. OH YA. mommy bought play doh for bro. MY FAVE WEN I WAS YOUNG. n wen i go hme, i was stuck playing playdoh for an hour or so. so fun. lol. n i kinda like the playdoh smell. rofl. den ya, went out for dinner. oh ya. i tink im falling sick. my body senses tells me faustina is gonna get sick soon. be prepared. lol.

all i want is something real.
im sick of the virtual way u put tings through.
real life can?

lol.

acty i already had something in mind, and den wth, i see something, and den wth, nid to tink again. i dun tink u get it. wahahahahah but nvm.

oh yea. i forgot to say HAPPY DADDYS' DAY!

2006-06-17T10:53:00.000+08:00

i think i think too much.

thinking too much causes alot of misery. so dun think too much. thinking too much makes one cry. so dun think too much(:

2006-06-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

i dunno. ok. u all did it subconsciously laa. and i noe it. its like, you all dun understand. and i dunno how to use words to describe. and plus, i carn be bothered to explain to everyone of u and like wad, tell u, " hey i've been lying all along you noe" stupid. lol. and the most stupid ting is dat wen u all dunno wads going on, you all kip asking me abt tings tat i dunno but u all tink i noe. i told yongsheng. can u believe it. i told him. i think he oso stun tio i tell him. lol. its like we were on tat topic. he kips tokin abt him laa. and persuade me stupid "facts". like omg, i dun wanna believe in that shit dat i used to believe in. and tis ys tells me diff tings frm jol qian they all. he says, " tell!" like wth. tell wad, " hey ive lied" stupid.

so, all i wanna say is that, sorry i lied.
i really regret lying to my friends.
forgive me. i know u still carn believe i lied.

empty.
tired.
this empty feeling,
still there.
not wad im looking for.
tired.
tired of all my lies
so im coming clean.
thats why ive told you ppl.

habits. im just so used to it. i carn stop doing wad im doing anymore.
ok damn. i can(:

2006-06-15T22:16:00.000+08:00

im very tired. really.

'weak

damn.

2006-06-15T22:02:00.000+08:00

hmmm. tdy gt cca camp. den go sentosa. lol. nt fun laa the camp as in really. but i kinda like slackin arnd at siloso beach. heh. so i woke up at like 6 laa. den went breakfast wif cat den meet jolyn and lp at bedok mrt dere den go harbourfront. den we go sentosa to paste the clue in the orchid garden. den paste liao den dere gt one pond rite. den got alot of carps den i go buy fish food and feed the fish. dan fun. the fish like 1 yr nvr eat liddat. i throw den all flock towards the food. and like jumping arnd laa snacthin the food. damn hiong. den my leg oso kena the water laa. EWW. ok so aft dat we walk back to the ferry terminal dere to chnge bus go palawan beach. den me n cat saw JAP SHUAI GE. lol. so funny la. k den we go take the green line bus where we sat on the top lol. den we like idiot takin video den we look intot e cam say hello den the jap girls in front tot we siao. rofl. den so we go palawan liao den take food. set of to siloso beach aka oour station wich is bury ppl in sand laa. lol. den we go 7-11 buy food first laa. lol. den we go siloso beach for picnic. heh. den we eat eat eat. 1 hr still noone come laa. den cat bring cards n she help me suan4 ming4. lol. n is see the future husband one. heh. it says, my future husband is love me like siao dat kind, quite shuai(: , quite rich but however, nt very filial TT. nvm. so we at siloso den slack. see hunks and babes den go sea n play heh. so fun can. lol. den aft a while like 4 hrs den we hungry go 7-11 buy food again. den like at 5++ dey say wad end liao. den whee we left. den me cat lp jolyn go eat at marina square. den we see the night view. rofl. nice. heh. tired laa. my back damn pain i dunno why. maybe slpin posture. rofl.

I CAN DO IT.

2006-06-14T17:40:00.000+08:00

hmmm. tdy's plan screwed up again. qian couldnt make it. jolene had piano. zz pathetic laa.
worst of all, friday's plan screwed up too. qian gt cca. and ill hav cca too. zz.
THE WHOLE WEEK IS SO SCREWED UP LAA.

OK. so tdy. during cca. jolene made my heart fall. HER PIANO CANNOT CHNGE DAY. DAMN. n so. heh. PLAN RUINED. k so. chnge plan. heh. ok i damn nice. i shall pen down my thanks here. THANKS RETARD FOR ACCOMPANYING ME TODAY AND THANKS FOR FREE STARBUCKS. HEH. FREE starbucks. my fave part. lol. ok so, aft skl i went to have starbucks for a while n den set off for tm. tm. HAIIS damn suay. saw alot of AHS ppl and worst of all, i saw my cousins and my aunt. zz. LUCKY they nvr see me cos i saw tem den run n hide. lol. den aft dat go library. heh. to look for those damn english bks we are supposed to read for holiday homewrk but i couldnt find anyone of them at all. skl stupid. surely EVERYONE can find those few titles one laa. brainless skl. anw. at the library cannot find stupid bk so we read bk. heh. note. retard's fave bk------ ***ual strategies. awww. how unholy. haiis. bad influence. rofl. den i buy for my bro maple prepaid card. heh. den i go hme. n OHH friigin retard is dammit retarded. made me walk one big round to find dat kuku 7- 11. lol. k forget it. haha.

tml i have cca day camp. at sentosa. lol. my station is at SILOSO BEACH. heh.

suddenly tot of my flag day. heh. 15 july. still gt like 1 mth. haha. must support me. n donate money. LOL. (:

can the time pls stop during the holidays. den i dun hav to go skl to study liao. hmmm. acty I LOVE SKL for everything else exp studying. screw studying. no. i dun want to screw the bks. terrible. zz.

oh n damn the camp tml! i told my mom abt it and she said, WHERE'S THE CONSENT FORM.
i say, " dunno leh. mom. no consent form leh"
mom says, " HUH. NO CONSENT FORM HOW I NOE IF U BLUFF ME."
awww my mom trusts me so much. like wad on earth she tink i will do.
i say, " mom. must responsible wad. i station master oso lor. how can dun go."
mom says, " i dun care. must see consent form"
awww.
she always liddat one lor.
den i go out i wear wad she oso must care.
for example, i wear skirt.
mom comes hme and see me.
mom- " wah where u go. why ur skirt so short. you cut ur skirt ar. go out wif boyfriend issit"
me- " i going out wif fren laa ( eg. jolene or qian. heh) and where gt short. i nvr cut lor. you buy for me one hello -.- and no i dun hav boyfriend laa mom dun siao"
mom pulls my skirt up to check if i wore those ultra short shorts inside. ZZZ.
mom-" ok. "
me- " orh mom i go liao bb"
mom- " ok. careful arh. u better dun go out wif guys"
me- " i nvr laa. zz. "
a typical convo wif me n my mom. see that. lacks trust.
or maybe like at nite i go kitchen do dunno wad n she is dere.
mom-" ni zai wai mian you mei you luan luan lai " *you got anyhow outside anot.( singlish ver)
me- "huh dun hav laa. dun crazy"
mom-" you better dun anyhow outside i tell you."
me- " zz. i nvr laa mom"
mom-" wah. tok to ur mother so loud u wan die arh."
damn wads her problem.
me-" i where gt tok loud laa"
mom-" u still dare say. u nt tok loud den wad. wah. yue lai yue mei you li mao" *no manners.
ZZZZZ. den me n my mom will quarrel. and i will always lose and go toilet and cry. zz. so *yuan wang.
there are many more examples, like the spying one abt she wanting to spy me and many more.
also, she tinks im an idiot. for example,
mom-" oi go out must careful. dun tok to strangers hor"
me-" i noe laa. zz. i how old liao"
mom-" ya i noe but still. oh ya. go out dun drink drinks ppl giv u hor."
me-" mom dun siao laa. u watch too much tv. u tink they spike meh"
mom-" no lor. last tym i tink so too but tis kinda ting u nvr noe one lor."
me-" -.- ORH ok."
i noe that she concerned laa. wich is gd n im happy. but sumtyms, she overly suspects me. lol. bad.
oh ya. have i ever mentioned dat my mom n dad are ridiculous. heh. for eg.
tv show gt ppl frenching.
mom-" oi"
dad turns over-" oi close ur eyes"
oh damn. they tink we are kids.
den one day i ask my mom n dad.
me-" why u dun let us watch. nth much wad. ppl kiss nia"
mom-" we scared u see liao learn den do tat outside."
diiao. tats my mom!
and worst of all. my mom tinks every guy i noe gt something wif me. siao one.
my mom says alot of shit den i will tell her,
me-" mom dun siao laa. frens onli. besides, im not blind lor (i have to be mean to convince my mom. heh)"
mom-" wah u nvr noe. love is blind"
awww. MY MOM.
ok enuff abt my mom. ITS FATHER'S DAY THIS SUN! and i haven bought anything yet. damn. n i duno wad to buy him too. n i wana add on. I HAVE THE GREATEST DAD IN THE WORLD AND IM VERY PROUD OF HIM. (:
oh reminded of sumting my dad said b4.
dad-" jie, ( he calls me dat) you may hav ur ambitions n tink career is impt. but marriage is as impt too." -.- ( he says it in chi anw)
me-" ya i noe"
dad-" you must find a guy like ur daddy who loves the family so much you noe"
me-" orh"
he really loves the family alot. it always pains me to see how much he's aged and such due to time and his work - all for the family.
he sacrifices alot for the family and tries his very best to support us. imagine. he opens a small eating hse and sells malay food for a living. n he nids to support a family of 6 excluding the maid. how tuff. i noe. he tears every night whenever he is up dere at the roof terrace smoking and drinkin. i've tol him umpteen tyms dat smoking esp is bad for health and he noes it but he cannot quit. and i noe him. it really pains me. cos smoking is his way of relieve frm the stress he receives to support the family thru work. and thats why he cannot quit smoking already. you noe that tym, medical report says his liver gt prob must check again i damn worried lor. doc tell him dun smoke n drink liao. i tell him oso. he dun listen. he can onli cut down his beer intake but nt the smoking tingy. and everytym he toks to me abt his wrk, he comes to me, sayang me and he leaves, i cry. sumtyms, he himself will hav tears den i an hear frm his voice he gonna break down liao, i cry under the blanket alone. its so pain. that guy is my father. he is the greatest dad on earth.
i love my mommy and daddy.
any ideas wad for father's day present?

(:

2006-06-13T18:12:00.000+08:00

wheets. im going cycling tml if everything goes well. i go east coast and cycle. den i will scream at the sea like siao char bo again. whee.

k lets see. cca 11-1pm. den i gt craving for food by then. then i go eat fast food. den i head for east coast and go cycle. whee. should be enuff tym rite. heh.

veh long nvr go beach liao. i wan go beach play! heh.

and i hope. i hope. i hope. i wun be a stupid litebulb again. wich means, c2 wun go wif us because he wants to see c1 and dat he misses her like siao. tis way, me n jol wun be litebulbs. yay.

2006-06-13T11:03:00.000+08:00

hmm. i couldn't sleep last night. den i keep tossing and turning laa. and den like 2 hrs ltr i finally fell asleep. i slpt until damn shuang laa. and it felt like a very long sleep. really. it felt like a very very very very long sleep. but it wasnt. when i woke up, its like only 11. zz. i tot i would wake up at like 2 laa. zz.

i just realised i haven started on any homewrk at all. im dead. got alot of hw waiting for me laa. and i tink i forgot everyting on the first half of the year liao. lol. aiye forget it. heh.

worst of all, the stupid ding zhuang meng bk. heh.

oh ya. bing says i shld go be a writer. rofl.

anw digress a while. cos i've finally got JUNYANG'S songs. lol. like finally can. and im listenin to tem. bing saysthe song, " sha sha de shui" is very nice and i listened to the tune liao. heh. cos nvr concentrate mar. but i think i can cry the next time i listen to it. i think im gonna put it up on my blog. heh.

ok. so hmmm i just suddenly reminded of myself wen i was in pri skl and wen i was in sec 1. damn naive dat kind can. if i like someone, ill be mad. den everyone will noe i like the person cos i go round telling ppl i like that particular person. LOL. its like acty an4 lian4 aka secretly admire one, budden its just tat everyone noes. rofl. but now, its different le laa duh. rofl.

THE LAST CALL, the 28th of this month.
after the last call, its not possible anymore i guess.

shit, i tink i sound damn stupid n random. whatever. heh. im in an insane mood tdy. wahaha.

2006-06-10T19:58:00.000+08:00

hmmm. i was just lkin at my baby bro. wish i was still a baby. how nice laa. someone will sing me to sleep. everyone will carry me in their arms. and den they will kiss me =x and pinch my cheeks wenever they see me ( okay, exclude this part. i dun wan tis. heh)
lets lk at my baby bro. he's like an angel sent to us laa. damn cute and adorable. although i get irritated when he sometyms hugs my leg and not let me go out, but, acty, i kinda like it =p
oh ya. i kinda missed it wen i was young and playing my playdough, its been eons since i touched playdoh. lol. hmmm. last nite, i slpt hugging my all time ( ok, childhood ) playmate, tis plushie bunny. heh. it's been there since like a mth after i was borned laa. always there wif me. ok, digressing, back to my brudder.
so, my brother, is absolutely, no doubt, adorable. heh. he is just so cute can. he will sometyms come ka jiao me to bring him out and stuffs. den sumtyms he will really realli cling onto me, and refuse to let me go like some koala bear laa. lol. and den, sumtyms, he is my bolster, heh, me n him will just lie on the same bed and i cannt resist myself from hugging him tightly den ill tell him, " heh u r my bolster" de he will go, "no im not ur bolster." wahahaha. he's so lovely. heh. and den, he likes to ask for money cos he wans to go to the minimart. and wen my ah- gong comes to my hse, he will go, " gong gong, wo mei you qian liao" ( granddad i no money) heh. den he is very gd at it laa. wen he asks me for money, i will be like, " you love da jie (* big sis= me (: ) or money" den he will be like, " da jie." den after a while he will go, " da jie can giv me money go minimart?" heh. absolutely cute yea. and he damn cute. he says tat the neighbour's girl is his gf. and he always say dat he very guai, den wen my grandma or whoever says " ni shi huai dan (* you are a bad egg), he will go, " wo bu shi huai dan, wo hen guai. (* im not a bad egg aka notty boy, im good ad obedient) den sumtyms dunno why he can start saying, " wo hen shuai/ wo shuai (*im very handsome) heh. he's so cute laa. and he's damn smart. really. i bet he will make it big one day. remember his name, sebastian. i believe he'll make it big sumday, and u'll see. (:

zhi yao... wo ha shi hui...

2006-06-10T19:14:00.000+08:00

random

bu yao yin wei zi ji de meng xiang er qi dai zhen shi neng gou gei ni shen me.

"i made a dream last night. there was a hand stretching forward and he said that as long as i grab the hand, i dun have to worry about anything anymore"

wo you shi zai xun zhao zhe me yang de an quan gan.
* just what kinda sense of security am i looking for.

2006-06-10T17:27:00.000+08:00

hmmm tdy i helped out at my daddy's shop. zzz. wasnt much of a help acty. i sit dere, take drinks and drink. order food to eat. LOL. but collect a few dishes laa. wahaha. hmmm boring acty. my dad's down wif a cold n still wrkin out dere. dad, get well soon. u r the greatest dad ever.nvm, i doubt he will see tis and i hope not, i wldnt want him visitin my blog. lol.

hmmm, i acty gt alot of tings to say, but nvm. (:

2006-06-09T11:08:00.000+08:00

last nite, i took a very long tym b4 i could sleep, cos' i was tinkin.

if it really was so easy for u to forget all about me
it really means i hold no meaning to you
and that i was right,
it was just your infatuation.
i've been lying to myself all along,
i've been persuading myself,
telling myself that you are a horrible person,
reminding myself that i dislike you,
lying to everyone around me,
that i detest you,
so as to further deceive myself,
that you really hold no meaning to me.
since it was so easy for you to just forget abt me,
while my eyes were a lil teary,
i decided to drop the last tear for you,
and then,
start to really drive you out of my mind,
out of my life,
and not to feel the way i feel everytym i see your shoulders pass by,
but the tear wasn't enough,
it wasnt enough to flow out.
it couldnt flow out.
wo liu bu chu na di yan lei.

2006-06-08T13:52:00.000+08:00

i tink im havin bad mood can. i feeling very frustrated laa. zz. dunno how to describe. my inspiration is coming in. i can sense it. but the nxt moment, its gone. damn.

2006-06-08T11:22:00.000+08:00

lol. i just woke up. yest i made a damn weird dream laa. its damn stupid can. no linkk at all de lor. n ive nvr tot abt it. lol. ok. its stupid. ehh dunno wad to blog le. ltr if i noe wad to blog den i blog. lol.

2006-06-07T17:27:00.000+08:00

hmmm. 06062006--- yesterday. MY BILL. lollol. they calculate until tat day de. lol. scared my bill bao. ok laa. bao liao. but i dun wan bao alot leh. lol. hmmm. i wan watch the omen. but. but. but. but. it seems like everyone i asked is scared. they dun like horror de. zz. i tik quite exciting wad. lol. but i tink i will scared. but i wan watch! lol. will be fun rite. lol. ok so random. im bored. lol

2006-06-07T16:04:00.000+08:00

im back frm my ah gong's hse. lol. quite enjoyable laa. spent quality tym wif cousins. wahahha. anw last nite came back hme den tdy morn gt meeting. zzz. damn tired. den interview 2 ppl for council de lunch. me n gayle go kfc den kristy joined us ltr. n den we went baq. zzzzzzzz. den 3 pm liddat leave. wahahhah. dunno wad to type liao. zz. anw all shld go try the green tea ice cream at bugis. not bad. but notice wad happens aft u eat tem =p

2006-06-05T18:28:00.000+08:00

today i watch shes the man...its dam nice and dam funni and dam good lols..out of 5 stars i giv it 20 den inside de show got 2 guys thats dam shuai and dam cute and dam hot..forget de name rdy..and de guy acting as hairdresser v shuai..and i am in my ah gong's hse now...and using my handphone to manipulate some v nice guy to help me blog....i shall and here cya every1 i will blog again 2 days lata...

2006-06-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

heys. hmmm. damn tired. yest yest nite slp at 2. yest slpt at 3. lollol. tdy morn wake up at 8++ den eat breakfast liao go batam for a while and den fetch my grandma back. shop abit bah. realli abit. zz. no fun. lol. den come back dat tym quite late liao. lets say, 6++. den go ah gong b day dinner. lol. no mood to blog liao. tml go out wif qian n jol le den aft taqt go ah gong hse sleep for 2 nites. dere no internet sumore. zz. no o2 jam. lol. but nvm. contact me thru hp bah. yay. wen im at ah gong hse i can slp late late cos no parents. lol. whee.

xiang nian zhe yi ge yi jing wang le wo de ren

2006-06-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

hmm. yest nvr blog. sian. no mood to blog acty. zz.

ok. yest go simei care centre. quite fun, meaningful and fufilling acty. but nvm skip all those parts. straight to helpin tem make stuffs. yea. i tink we're damn efficient. lol. and the stuffs are nice lor. but too bad, we carn kop. lol. i'll post the pics. lol.

i like these. they look so sweet(: heh

den aft dat, qian me go tamp eat den go jol hse. play cards. gamble. i didnt win or lose ani money. jol= big loser. qian= big winner. lol. ok. here's jol's obscene pose at hme ( nt exactly obscene but who cares. lol.)

den i went hme.

bored. tdy is boring. i made tang yuan tdy(: and it tasted gd. lol. i hav the talent. zz. hmmm. tdy i woke up at 12. whee. acty could hav slpt longer if nt for my bro. JIE WAKE UP. zzzzzzzz. nvm. tdy i finish dl-ing the o2jam songs liao. i took so long to extract al the files can. zz. den yes i jam again. but a lil onli tdy. lvl 10 now. quite noob still. lol. here's me. user= fausholycow (:

oh ya. the person at simei care centre told us abt mental illnesses. i tink i hav depression(: cos one symptom---- feeling of emptiness for a long tym. let's see, i hav been feeling tat since like, 2-3 mths ago? and im still feeling like dat. i remember benedict askin me how i feel few days i go, i told him, "empty". he told me " i remember u telling me tat very long ago" yes, ive been feeling empty for a very long tym. like my heart is empty. my mind is empty. i am no longer filled wif tots. i have no inspiration. for a long long tym, i have not been myself.

where, exactly where, am i?

im not contented wif the way my life is.
its not for me,
its too empty,
its just,
nt my type of life.
i need wings,
to fly,
get away frm this kinda life,
to look for someting new,
and different,
someting dat i hav been seeking all along,
something dat can fill the void,
someting dat can rid the emptiness,
something dat can bring me back.

2006-06-01T17:47:00.000+08:00

im into o2 jam!!! whee.

random.

im a liar,
cos i've been lying all along =x

enuff of our distance.

zz

2006-05-31T19:10:00.000+08:00

hmmm, aft math and meeting, me qian jol went to jurong point. zz. we go pasir ris mrt to get seats den travel to boon lay. zz. 1 hr. they 2 slp in train, but i cldnt, zz.
den at jurong point, jol gt the bag she want, den oh ya, sry rena, the bag u wan nt dere le, den no cute n nice ones. lol. yep, den we went to marina square. den we go eat pizza! zz. n played cards at pizza hut. wahahaha. den we all damn high, walk walk arnd. i hav decided, to go dere again, wif my mom cos she has all the money. zz. yep. fast forward...... esplanade. we went dere den go to the roof top dere. wth. alot of couple making out laa. guess its a gd place for couples to make out dere. lol. den jol extra! cos she wan see best view den run to the corner. where there was a couple laa. den they were like giving us the bu shuang face, esp the guy laa. den the girl was sittting in between the guy's legs. zz. den i pull jol and said , " OI DUN KAJIAO, ppl wan make out laa." zz. den we lef tthe roof top, but seriously, nice view laa. lol. den qian brought us to where c2 bring her. LOL. and there were many candies!

MINT CANDY!

CAMPINO ( OR HOWEVER U SPELL IT) CANDY!

BLUEBERRY CANDY!!!

GRAPE CANDY!!!!!

NICE VIEW!!!

den we gonna leave liao. qian wanted to go fullerton hotel, but unfortunately, we did not. lol. den we go raffles place mrt n go hme liao. tired!

BYE DURIAN!!!

BYE CANDY LAND. YUMYUM. LOL.

JUST FOR LUFFS. SPASTIC JOLENE. ROFL. L MAO. ZZ.

im tired.
really am.
sumone take me away pls.
tis place is not for me
n this is nt wad i seek for.

the truth pls.

2006-05-30T20:12:00.000+08:00

zz
zz
zz
zz
im very tired of life liao
someone take me to another realm pls
i dun wan to be stuck here
stuck at tis kinda life
i wanna leave
its not my kinda life
zz

2006-05-30T19:09:00.000+08:00

hmmm. tdy aft skl, me jol fish wanted go watch she's the man de. but late. zz. den aiye forget it lor. den we were at the buy ticket dere den gt these two girls approached us , " ehh can u all help us buy da vinci tickets?"
den i said, " we nt 16 yet."
zz. they tot we were 16. flattered laa.d en fred kip saying they tot he 16 cos he taller den us. n i as like NO, surely de, dun believe u go ask them. den he go ask, " just now u tot we 16, hu is the one hu lk like 16 arh"
den one girl pointed at me, n her fren said, ya. zz. den fred was like, " sure anot, she so baby face, short , BLABLABLA" so damn malu. i lk 16 de k. haha. so flattered. they all owaes say i baby faced blablabla, in e end im the one hu lk 16 k. wahahaha.
so we walk walk walk den walk to scotts shopping centre to go eat. zz. den go far east plaza walk walk walk n carn find jol's bag. zz. so we left. reach hme at like 5 liddat. zz. so early. sian.
i dunno wad to blog le.

sad life. T_T

2006-05-29T19:58:00.001+08:00

hmmm. tdy went to help my mom buy sea monkey n the cooking toy for my bro. lol. both for my bro. the older one n the younger one respectively.
tdy damn shit. jol carn find the bag she wans despite parkway parade, tm, century square and whitesands. whitesands. lol. c1 can expect a present frm new generation. lol. me n jol saw it liao. its just so c2 laa. c2 = cheapo 2. zz. no wonder they are a match made by heaven.
lol. both me n jol saw tis pair of rings we like oso. zz. 48 bucks. reasonable price i guess. zz. to jol, nxt tym on valentines day i buy for u. zz. den i engrave words. jol <3>faus.
den create blog. http://jolandfaus.blogspot.com zz. cool? lol
owells. so when we were at pp, we walk arnd n didnt get aniting laa. zz. n den rite, we decided to leave cos jol nid to be hme by 5. zz. n the hp says its 5. so take taxi to paya lebar mrt. den dere gt an extra kuku white car. den we go behin the car dere flag. den gt tis smrt cab i tink. den we go in. den the white car blk. den the taxi driver horn him. den the person nvr move. n the driver turned vulgar. he said " kani**** lao chee ***" like OMG laa. first encounter of such a crude taxi driver. den me n jol damn scared. scarli KIDNAP. zz. den we type in hp pass arnd but veh careful cos scared te taxi driver scold us "chee ***" zz. so i lked at his car plate. cos in case wad. zz. if im correct. its SHC 4011P , sumting liddat. lolllol. den wen we wanna reach liao, the uncle speak english and say " u want to stop here or go one big round" sumting liddat. den we stunn. ENGLISH. rofl. so we gt off laa. take mrt. go tampines. bot long john silvers n went hme.

PS: jolene u owe me 760. (:

i'll take u to the skies if u want,
i'll be ur wings if u let me,
i'll show you the way if u need.
i'll be glad,
if u give urself a chance.

zz. im damn random. =p

2006-05-29T10:46:00.000+08:00

im reminded.
of how we started chatting.

it happened long ago liao. and now, we dun even tok, but i just remember abt it wen i saw ur msn nick. dat u r sick.

i remember tats how we sort of started toking since i used to tink dat u were my another fren cos ur email like hers ( zz). yep. den i was askin how were u and sstuffs. den we started chatting. i remember tis once wen i was very very very happy. and once dat i was disappointed. once dat i was down. but its all over.

lol. tis is so random.

get well soon.

though i noe u wouldnt see tis(:

2006-05-28T20:28:00.000+08:00

random

i dun wanna be invisible to you
i want you to see me
and acknowledge my presence

2006-05-28T18:51:00.001+08:00

hmmm. i have nth to blog really. but, i have nth to do. so i blog. lol.

tdy i went to suntec wif my family for lunch, BUT BUT BUT, carpark full s had to leave den we went to marina square. aft long long LONG hunting for a carpark lot, we finally settled down at thai express. whee. i had my fave avocado milkshake(: eat until damn full laa. den walk walk a while. sobs. out wif mom, bro, bro, sis, grandmom. veh kang kor to shop. so cannot shop. T.T my sis kip kajiao my mom to buy her lego. zz. den we go to century square, metro dere to find lego. but but but the lego dere cannot satisfy my sis. so we go toys r us. den my bro ( 13 onto 14 yrs) wanted my mom to buy him the sea monkey ( 29.90) zz. he how old liao wan sea monkey. zz. den my sis cannot find the suitable lego. plus, the queue veh long so my mom dun wan buy aniting dere. sian. den we go isetan. den my sis found her lego. oh ya. my sis is a tomboy. zz. my bro train her to be liddat de. she dun play girl stuff de. like those i like to play wen i was young, playing wif baby dolls, doctor, cooking, playdoh, blablabla. but my sis likes action figurines and lego. she likes batman n spiderman while i like sailormoon and ppg. lol. n den at isetan, my baby bro ( now, 4), wait, do profiling first. my baby bro (4) likes to play cooking stuffs, apparently all the girl stuffs, zz. den he saw tis cleaning tingy like sweeping stuffs mop blablabla n pester my mom for it. he kips screaming in isetan i wan clean the hse, i wan clean the hse. zz. so my mom bought it for him, and my sis found her lego. BUT BUT BUT my bro no sea monkey rite. den he damn pek cek. face turn into kiam pak mode. his kiam pak mode is damn kiam pak one. its those kind u cannot do aniting to him one. zz. den so aft dat we go food court dere eat prata. zz. den go hme. wahaha.

random.
i tink its better to like someone den not liking anyone at all. zz
i sound dumb. zz

2006-05-27T20:32:00.000+08:00

i've totally no mood to blog. dunno y but yeah.
zz

2006-05-26T18:15:00.000+08:00

whee. tdy's the last day of skl le. hmmmms. aft skl me xz qian bing julia( came in ltr) n dat weijie guy(came in later but ealier den julia) were playing sum interesting nice game. lol. ya den slowly one by one left. den onli me xz n dat weijie guy still play until like lets say, 250 liddat den we left. me n xz go eats hans. damn funny. the freakin place has alot of flies laa. den xz was playing the catch the fly game. den i was eating halfway holding on to my knife n fork den not convenient to use my hand shoo the fly wad. den i blew it and ( i was eating black pepper chicken chop), a black pepper flew out of my mouth. den i was luffing like siao. and xz luff like siao oso. cos she tot i wan to eat the fly =.=
den we chat chat chat alot laa. n we realised why dere were so many flies le. but i shant say least i get sued. lol. hmmm. tings always go crazy wen u r wif the ultimate insane xinzi(:
got back report bk liao. hmmm i tink my results is just so-so bah. but nvm. wrk hard for eoys. n yes, my l1r5 sucks big tym. 14. n ir ealise my chi mark inside wrong. wth. its supposed to be 71 not 67. oh gosh. lol.
hmm i was tinkin im gonna slp late tonite n perhaps wake up at 3pm tml. whee. lol

hmmm. unfufilled promises, broken promises soon.

2006-05-25T18:39:00.000+08:00

ok. yest i M.I.A. lol. cos i slpt at 6pm for a nap and in e end woke up tdy 6am. lol.

nvm i hav nth to blog abt exp tat pat wong, ( ok, i shall be polite.) ahem, miss pat wong, wanted to learn how to play bridge. it was hilarious and everyone asked her to make a BRIDGE CLUB. lol. ok. i realise i hav totally nth to blog abt. except, i heard a huge crap ass shit frm gayle tdy. n she said she heard it frm her 3d fren. oh gosh. wad she told her was totally insane. insane. insane. lol.

i shall end here. i look forward to the end of tml. the end of semester 1. lol. the beginning of the holidays(: