acty. reallie reflecting on my actions thruout the whole yr. dere were many tings dat happened. i had my regrets too. but for sum tings, i dun even noe wads my feeling towards tem. reflecting baq, i still do not noe wad i felt abt wad happen. m i regreting or wad. dunno y these days i hav been tinkin abt three tings. 3 diff feelings n tots. n 3 different ppl. dey r sumhow related laa. maybe because i wasnt acty honest wif my own feelings. n because i didnt wanna accept reality to wad i was feeling or stuffs n dats y i suspect i m regreting wich i dun exactly noe if i reallie m. the PAST PRESENT FUTURE who WILL be my past present future. who already is. who was. i dunno.dere were many ppl in my life. ppl who affect me, deres alot too. ppl hu made me feel reallie happy, dey were dere too. dere were oso ppl hu can make me fly wif not even a sentence but a phrase. ppl hu make me sad. make me feel bad. make me feel confused. make me regret. i dunno. all i noe was dat i wasnt honest to myself. n i will be honest to myself rite now n i will be. honest abt my tots n feelings. but being honest doesnt mean doing aniting. if being honest to myself means i hav to particularly make the first move. i wun. i will just noe wad i feel inside n be clear to myself. so dat i wun reply or react to tings the way i will regret. although i say tat i do not noe if wad i felt was regret, i was acty lying to myself i guess. now i dun bother to scroll up to edit the part where i say dat i wasnt sure if dat was regret. i noe myself clearly dat it was wad i called regret. because i didnt wan to accpt reality n because of my pride, i refused to admit many tings n ran away frm it. frm now on i promise i wun. i dun wanna lie to myself animore.
